• Please tell me who came up with this "car czar" thing.

    As if it wasn't communist enough to just about take over an industry, now we have to throw out names to confirm it?

    And if memory serves me right, the last "czar" thing didn't turn out too well…especially for the last czar.

    Yet we keep falling back on that title.

    They're kicking around a "financial czar."

    An "environment czar."

    Stuff that czars never did, and if they did, they probably would have been executed a lot sooner.

    Look, if you're going to nationalize something, do it up big, with titles that speak to the times.

    Like "king"

    "Car king" works.

    Or maestro.

    Try "motor maestro."

    Something that bespeaks the glorious role of the bigger-than-life government bureaucrat who'll be overseeing an entire industry.

    I'm sorry, most kids don't know czar.

    They do know "Wii"...so try the "Wii wizard of the auto set."

    Sounds "Star Wars"-like, and that's big again these days.

    Here's what you want to do:

    Inspire confidence for something you, Congress, in your heart of hearts, have no confidence in at all.

    Admit it.

    You know you're pushing these rescue turkeys out faster than me at a White Castle drive-thru.

    At least push 'em out with pizzazz.

    Not with titles that remind the few who know them of "poor executions."

    But with badges that hint of "perfectly executed."

    Come to think of it, maybe we don't need no stinkin' badges.

    Or if we try one, they're clever. Not communist.

    Something that clearly illustrates that lunacy you're overseeing...the dumbness of a dodge bailout, if you will.

    Maybe call that top dude just that: "The artful dodger."

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