• "Bunny" and "Schnugems" are breaking up. You don't know them, but they're getting a divorce. They're friends of mine and they're about the last couple in the world I thought would break up.

    They were big on public shows of affection — I mean, really big. Touching each other. Hugging each other. Constantly holding hands.

    But you know what I really remember? The way they talked:

    "Are you gonna eat that, my wittle-wheat-thin?"

    Yeah, the dude actually said that. And here's what she said:

    "I'll be happy to share with you, my coochie-koo!"

    I kid you not.

    Between the "sweet cakes" and "woozie-woozie" — yeah, that one I could never figure out — they seemed destined for a lifetime of bubbly bliss and ridiculously obnoxious oodling.

    But something, somewhere, somehow went wrong. I heard through a friend, they're done — finished.

    Maybe they just got sick of the talk.

    Maybe they just got tired of the public affection.

    Maybe — maybe — they got tired of proving to the world what they couldn't reconcile themselves.

    I don't know. This much I do: You cannot judge how solid a couple is based on what they say to each other or even if they touch each other — in public, I mean.

    Nothing profound, save this: It takes a lot more than woozie-woozie to make a lifetime of happy-happy.

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