This time of year, I usually offer these retail insights, not for female viewers — who seem to intrinsically understand the ways of a mall — but for male shoppers who clearly do not.
So, once again, at the risk of sounding sexist, my quick tips for guys this Christmas season:
Tip No. 1: Guys, if you haven't started shopping, just give money. It's hell out there. The lines, the wait, nothing's left, by the way. So make it a big check.
Tip No. 2: If you must buy something, make sure you get to the register with an item that has a sales tag. I can't tell you the number of people, usually guys, who wait out a long line, only to discover the item they have has no price. And the search to find that said price takes easily twice as long as whatever time you've spent on line to this point.
Tip No. 3: If said item is actually triple the price you thought, just buy it. You've waited this long anyway, do you really want to wait on another line and pay less?
Tip No. 4: Don't go to gift wrap. Sure, it's easier, but plenty long lines there too. And besides, if it's in a box, your gift is essentially wrapped anyway. If your wife or girlfriend complains, just tell her you're different. You're a rebel. She'll understand.
Tip No. 5: Clean something at home — anything, really. Actually, just pick up after yourself. Women are so convinced we're slobs, that if we simply pick up our shoes and put them in the closet, they're grateful. Trust me, they think so little of us, that even the slightest act of personal responsibility will be greeted favorably, and more than make up for the said un-wrapped gift, if you managed to get a gift... at all.
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