You know I read a lot of political polls here – kind of goes with the job. But the ones that really crack me up are those that ask personal questions, like: "Who would you rather have a beer with?"
Think about that one. What are the odds you will ever have a beer with the president of the United States? Or ever be able to answer another famous poll question — maybe from this place, I don't know — about who you'd want to invite to dinner. I'm thinking that one through too.
I'm open to inviting President Bush (search), or Senator Kerry (search) to my house for a big bowl of pasta and, for dessert, cannolis and Yodels. Let's just say I won't be holding my breath.
What would we say?
Let’s say the president stops by... how would the conversation go? "Sooo, Mr. President, how's that War on Terror going?"
And what on god's earth would he ask me, as he desperately tries to figure out the spout on the box of cheap wine I've set on the counter? Which is really stupid, when I come to think of it, because the guy doesn't drink anymore.
"Neil, great bouquet on this thunderbird... I see you've arrived in life."
It just wouldn't work.
And Kerry? The guy's got scores of multi-million dollar homes all over the country and I'm shoving chicken wings at him and asking about Social Security? No, sadly, he doesn't fit in my home and I don't fit in his.
I know the purpose of these questions is to see who we're more comfortable with. But let's get real: What's the chance either of these guys downs a few brewskies with us over some nachos? Not much.
And could you imagine Teresa Heinz Kerry at my house? My wife would be a mess!
She'd be desperately trying to serve foie gras and I'd be desperately trying to figure out what the hell foie gras is.
So Mr. President and Senator Kerry, you're welcome to come to my house, but wipe your feet — my wife's a stickler about that — and bring a bottle. Thunderbird is fine. That non-alcoholic beer too. A twist-off cap? Even better!
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