• Martha, go to jail. Now.

    I know you plan to appeal your case, but I appeal to you. Get it over with.

    Put down the designer suit, and put on the jumpsuit. Frankly, I don't think you deserve it, but suck it up and deal with it.

    Five months in the slammer ain't bad. And 5 months in any one of your fancy homes ain't exactly Abu-Ghraib.

    You might win on appeal and curse the day you served. But I'm a half-full glass guy, Martha.

    And take this from a humble best-selling author, you've got a bestseller book here. You could even start writing it while you're in the slammer.

    You feel right to be wronged. I say get prepared to be tacky.

    Five months, Martha. You could put up with macaroni and cheese and cheap silverware for 5 months.

    Besides, you start now, you'll be out by Christmas. Maybe not much time to shop, but plenty of time to throw one hell of a party.

    Watch Neil Cavuto weekdays at 4 p.m. ET on "Your World with Cavuto."