This is a rush transcript from "The Five," September 10, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: So, welcome back to Greg's fun with pictures. Today's snapshot, Joe Biden in a diner.
Now for some, this is just another example of the loveable lug. That is Mr. Heartbeat Away. I see it as a metaphor for the state of our country.
Here you have jocular Joe, representing the happy-go-lucky administration. It's what-me-worry on Cialis. Job numbers are irrelevant when you've got soaring rhetoric and Scarlet Johansson by your side.
The lady in his lap? That's the media. As long as they avoid direct eye contact they can sit there all day. They're like Charlie McCarthy to Edgar Bergen, which makes you wonder where Joe's hand is at.
What about these guys? That is the American people and their worried faces say it all. This country is in crisis and you're doing this in front of everyone. Have you lost your marbles?
But maybe there is an explanation. Remember what Clint said about Obama, that the seat is vacant. Biden is probably saying so what? Empty chair has its privileges or maybe he's discovered a new jobs plan. Human furniture.
Or maybe Biden was practicing playing Santa Claus, you know the fairy tale guy that brings you free stuff without doing a thing. Can you imagine this conversation? Hello little girl? What do you want for Christmas? Medical care for life, free birth control and Fox News to go off the air.
Coming right up, honey. I just have to check with the Elk Union.
Bob, does this hurt or help Joe? When he is in these situations?
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: It is classic Joe Biden.
Look, these things, when you look at them, people say what is he up to? He has been doing this -- I have known him 35 years. He has been doing stuff like this, you know, he will walk in a place, he went in a bowling alley one day and somebody was bowling --
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Two bowling references.
BECKEL: Well, I know, but Joe, the guy was about to bowl. Who are you bowling for? He said I'm bowling for opponent. He ran up and kicked the ball.
You can't make it up. He is Joe Biden. I think people relate it to.
I do. He's fine.
GUTFELD: I think they were sitting, Eric, in separate chairs but they seemed extremely cozy. I guess -- aren't there reporters somewhat jealous he gives more access to a biker?
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: I just love your analogy. American people looking at him like hey, what are you doing there? What are you doing there?
You got to like Joe for being Joe. I mean, with 57 days left, keep the ladies off your lap.
GUILFOYLE: Euphoric. I mean, when you give a better speech than the president, you're kind of like who's better than me. Check me out, ladies.
BECKEL: She's not on his lap.
GUTFELD: They were in a booth or two separate chairs I'm not sure. I think -- I think he is on a booth. He's leaning forward.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: I think she sat on his lap. I think that's what the pool report says.
GUTFELD: Dana, you sit on a lot of laps.
GUTFELD: Because you're so small.
GUILFOYLE: So glad you said that about her, not me.
PERINO: Here is the thing. If you're in the Republican Party --
BOLLING: So trouble.
PERINO: If you are in the Republican Party and you say Joe Biden is clowned vice presidency, you are considered a prude. Some people might decide to say. They seem totally unfazed by the seriousness of the moment.
That might be one of the reasons the independent numbers look like they do. Right before a storm, the air feels very -- why are you laughing at me? I have such a good point to make.
GUTFELD: Go for it. Yes.
PERINO: OK. So right before a storm, like there was a tornado here on Saturday morning. The air feels unstable and shaky and you can feel a little something is going on. That's how America is before an election, in particular this time. They could take things more seriously.
Mark Thiessen in the Washington Post today writes how President Obama has attended half of the intelligence briefings that were supposed to be provided. Now, not that they have done a good job on intelligence, but at some point get off the campaign trail and do your job. Call the cabinet together, call the jobs council together.
Instead, you the other picture. Show that one?
GUTFELD: I will, Dana! Thanks for that.
PERINO: I'm so mad at you.
GUTFELD: I know you are. I was joking.
PERINO: I'm not really mad. If I say I'm mad it sounds like I'm a prude and then, you know, there's that's whole --
GUTFELD: I apologize.
BECKEL: I don't blame her for being mad.
GUTFELD: I want to show -- I think we have a tape of this, actually. This is President Obama being lifted up by a pizza owner in Florida. Check this out.
All right. I think -- Kimberly, I think Obama actually handled this pretty well for something so weird. But don't you -- no one would do that to Putin. You can't be picking up the president, right?
GUILFOYLE: Right? Putin was like, yes, give him plutonium or something.
GUTFELD: But don't you think --
GUILFOYLE: It's very odd. I'm surprised that the Secret Service allowed him to get that close to the president. What if he hurt his back or something like on the water slide that time.
GUTFELD: Yes, I rember.
GUILFOYLE: It's unfortunate, and he's in the middle of, you know, the campaign.
PERINO: It shows that President Obama doesn't weigh enough. He needs to eat a pizza.
BOLLING: Can you put the picture up on the side? I love the picture.
Where's the Secret Service right now?
GUILFOYLE: That's what I said? What is going on?
BECKEL: They're there.
GUILFOYLE: In Colombia?
GUTFELD: Disguise as chairs.
PERINO: Empty chairs.
GUTFELD: Empty chairs. They don't expect this to happen, I guess. You can't do anything about it. It's kind of humorous. Except, citizen shouldn't pick up the president.
PERINO: You don't want to embarrass the president getting in the way of a moment where guy is hugging him and Secret Service comes in.
GUILFOYLE: That's too familiar. Don't you think?
BECKEL: First of all, that guy, the owner of the pizzeria was checked out thoroughly.
Obama is not going to come back and convene the cabinet. He's in the campaign mode.
PERINO: He hasn't since January.
BECKEL: I know, he has 57 days and he's out campaigning. He is on a stride right now. He's campaigning well and it's one thing he does it very well.
BOLLING: Yes, one thing he does, because he gets a heck of a lot of practice. He's at 250 campaign events. Bob, I can't remember the last time he spent the day in the Oval Office doing any work at all.
GUILFOYLE: Not that fun there. There are so many problems, $16 trillion deficit with no jobs.
BECKEL: That job policy, wherever you go.
BOLLING: All right, Bob. But here, he spent the first two years passing Obamacare. He spent his fourth year getting re-elected. Maybe he put in a year out of the four.
BECKEL: Lilly Ledbetter Act so women could have equal pay.
GUTFELD: They are shouting in my ear.
PERINO: Why don't they get equal pay at the White House?
BECKEL: I don't know.
GUTFELD: All right, kids. During the break, Dana is going to yell at me.
PERINO: No, it's funny.
BECKEL: You're going to sit in Dana's lap after the break.
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