This is a rush transcript from "The Five," June 7, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: So, over my vacation, I ran in a friend who gave me some grief. He hated my abortion joke I made. Remember that one?
Knock-knock. Who's there? You'll never know.
Anyway, if it wasn't for abortion he said he would have no life. It's true. He would have been a dad three times over. Horrible. But, hey, it's impossible to prove a negative if you don't exist. They don't. So no Father's Day card for him.
Which is why I loved Planned Parenthood for the first time ever teaming up with the L.A. school district to create on campus clinic for three birth control counseling and so on. This is because birthrate is high among teens throughout L.A. County. Oh, wait. Birthrates are down throughout L.A. County.
Well, what could it be then? Oh, right, they're just giving mammograms.
Anyway, what a great idea. As a young male student busy with classes, sports and glee club, you just don't have time to figure out who to date anymore. The line at the clinic reduces confusion. Conversely, if you never see a female classmate there you can safely assume she is no fun at all. Or worse, God forbid a virgin. Don't ask her to the prom.
Andrea, in the green room you were telling me you love this idea.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: That wasn't me. That was my evil twin. I hate this idea.
GUTFELD: Yes. What do you make of this?
TANTAROS: I just -- I think that there is enough pressure on kids that we have to put sex right in the schools. Now they probably did it because they have a problem with teen pregnancies and they didn't want to maybe have the costs together.
I feel like government does a horrible job of trying to replace the job of the family does. And all of a sudden, we're going to have invasive surgical procedures happening in school. But wait, don't let the kids have a Coca-Cola?
Something is very -- I think world has gone crazy, Greg.
GUTFELD: Yes. Bob, here's the thing. Birthrates are down, dropping in the county. But the clinic is in a poor neighborhood. Doesn't it kind of bug you?
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Birthrates have gone up.
GUTFELD: No, overall in L.A. County.
BECKEL: Yes, overall in the L.A. County gone down. That is attributable not to the areas where these are. The last time before Planned Parenthood, they had 31 teenagers get pregnant in the school.
After Planned Parenthood came in, nine.
It's not just, as you say in your monologue, they do sexually transmitted diseases and they do mammograms and they --
GUTFELD: They don't do mammograms.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: You don't get a mammogram until you're 40, 35.
BECKEL: What is a breast test?
TANTAROS: Eighteen-year-olds are not getting the mammograms.
BECKEL: It's right here in our research.
BECKEL: Wait a second. It's in our research, I know it's right wing research, but it says right here --
TANTAROS: Let me tell you, from a woman's perspective, 18-year-olds are not getting mammograms.
BECKEL: But what about the numbers of the pregnancies that have gone down. Is that not worth having it in the school?
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: First of all, a lot of schools administer condoms anyway.
Look, this is Planned Parenthood -- half of the budget, 47 percent of the budget comes from federal funding. I'm against that because I'm against Planned Parenthood.
They shouldn't in schools, public school especially. If you want a private company, knock yourself out. But don't make my tax money pay for it.
PERINO: I was thinking about that earlier today, about -- it's a way to further claw yourself in the got system so you can't be taken out. Once these things are baked into the cake, you can't take them out. So, it's become part of overall system.
What I don't understand is why choose Planned Parenthood, like why not choose something else? Because they knew this is going to -- maybe they think the Planned Parenthood does it best. They should have known --
BECKEL: They don't have the money to pay for it.
PERINO: Then who is paying? The federal taxpayer has to pay for the Los Angeles school district?
BECKEL: Give money to Planned Parenthood --
TANTAROS: To your point, they probably figure there is plenty of money sitting at Planned Parenthood.