Kicker fumbles historic tryout for the NFL

Published Monday, March 04, 2013 / The Five

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," March 4, 2013. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: So often, news is nothing but manufactured fluff, designed to bolster fake assumptions which is why most of it never gets a follow-up. The initial story is nice but the reality that follows really isn't.

It's why you were bombarded by stuff about the pregnant man, Thomas Beatie. The girl who became a guy. Then, the first pregnant dad, gracing the cover of People and fawned over by Barbara Walters.

But what about the nasty divorce that followed later? Where is Babs now? I guess it doesn't fit the tale, which is why I despise "you go, girl" stories. You know, where the newscaster starts or ends the story with "you go, girl."

Like the lady kicker trying out for NFL, another "you go, girl" piece and it smells like bogus puffery illustrating that women are no different than men.

Yes, Lauren Silberman's attempt ended badly. How badly this? This badly.

(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)

GUTFELD: Oh, man. I think I need to see that again.

(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Oh, the silence.

GUTFELD: I know. Dana could do a better job.

Her response, quote, "The distance wasn't there, but hopefully the scouts will notice my technique. It's not always length."

Yes, it's not always length -- the most common lie ever.

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: OK.

GUTFELD: Her attempt was so bad it left people wondering if the whole thing was designed to promote her own business. If so, good for her. See, I'm for equality, equality of scamming. If men can do it, so why can't women. The fact she duped the press thinking she had a chance playing on their earnest blinded the truth, P.C. baloney makes her a savvy business lady. Her kicks didn't go far but something tells me she will.

Hmm, thoughtful. Once in a while, you know, there is a person in the media sees through the lies. And they don't get the accolades they deserve. So, I came up with a media award. Here it is.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

NARRATOR: The International Greg Gutfeld Media Award for Media Analysis, Incorporated.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: So I was thinking who really got to story first? I thought that person should get the first award. Really, really, really smart guy.

I think we have a clip of him talking about the kicker.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I get suspicious because you hear the story at the beginning of the story and you never hear the second part. Like you never hear about the person actually getting on the team. We only hear of this part of the story, because it's interesting and then we all move on to something else.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You really nailed this story, Eric.

GUILFOYLE: Interesting.

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: You go, Greg. You go.

GUILFOYLE: Maybe he could fill in for you. Oh.

GUTFELD: It's kind of annoying and he has an odor problem I noticed.

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: So, what is it with the monologue she snowed the media and it's cool or the media likes to pat themselves on back?

GUTFELD: I think --

GUILFOYLE: Both. Both.

GUTFELD: Both, I think.

The media likes shaggy dog stories -- stories that are seemingly unusual, but then they never follow through when they go bad. And that's the point I was making.

GUILFOYLE: Boy, you called it.

BECKEL: She was kicking for New York Jets combine, which means with that kick, she might actually make it, given the Jets. But --

GUILFOYLE: Brutal. Go Giants!

BECKEL: She said she had injured quad. In kickers, that's the most important single muscle you can have. Oh, I have an injured quad but I'm going to do it anyway?

BOLLING: It's impossible to kick a football that short of a distance.

(LAUGHTER)

GUILFOYLE: Supposedly she injured it on the first attempt.

PERINO: That was an attempt?

GUILFOYLE: Well, I was being generous.

BECKEL: Hopefully, the coaches will look at her form? OK.

GUILFOYLE: All right. All right. So I could kick further in my Loubs.

GUTFELD: In your Loubs?

GUILFOYLE: Louboutins.

GUTFELD: I've never heard them called Loubs?

BECKEL: I've heard Loubs before.

GUTFELD: Bob?

BECKEL: What, Loubs?

GUTFELD: I'm just saying Bob, just stop.

Dana?

PERINO: Yes.

GUTFELD: Thoughts?

Why is the press talking this stuff?

PERINO: Well, we created this thing called "One More Thing" and these stories are perfect for that. We could talk about the fluffy stories that done that turn to absolute nothing later on.

It reminds me of a -- you know the show "Teen Moms"?

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: "Oh, this is great, teen moms." And then on the cover of "People" magazine because, you know, a year later when TV doesn't want them anymore. Then they basically are discredited.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BECKEL: There was a guy who was a pregnant guy supposedly?

GUTFELD: Yes, there was, Bob. I love how you missed that story.

BECKEL: Did he get himself pregnant? I mean, how did it happen?

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: We'll tell you in break.

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