Celebs pledge allegiance to Obama

Published Thursday, September 20, 2012 / The Five

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," September 20, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Once again, the disciples are pledging allegiance to their prophet Obama. I haven't seen this kind of devotion since the last election in North Korea. The rituals. Writing on yourself. After all you're just a chalkboard for change, an empty slate in every sense.

Oh Natalie Portman, we are duly impressed by your beliefs, you are so brave. It's so nice that a rich actress thinks other women need government as their husband.

Oh look! It's beta-male poster guy Jared Leto sporting a woodsman beard in his best picture in years. Seriously what happened to this dope? That message on his hand is the longest script he's read in years.

And high up in this kooky cult, Jim Messina owes campaign manager making a hand gesture that on planet Obama means "take me, I'm yours." If you can find anything creepier than this photo, lance it. Something tells me he's made of marzipan and kitten hair and every bit as infectious.

Check out their flag. A modified American, incorporating the Obama logo. Meaning whatever Obama is, he's better, more sophisticated than what passes for American.

Once again, our president demonstrates he's the only president in history who seems to think the job's too small for him.

I've got to say this all really creeps me out. And as many of you know, I don't creep out easily. I guess I'm just not one for cults. They always end up in empty bank accounts, tears, and regrets. And I'm just not swayed by the cool kids adopting the cool religion. But you've go to wonder: What would these people do for their leader if asked? Worse, what would they do to you? Actually you don't need to ask, they're doing it now. And if they get four more years, you'll be writing on yourself too - it'll be "help" in Chinese.

BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: How do you know that says help?

GUTFELD: I had an expert do it for me.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: I thought it said "Buy our bonds."

GUTFELD: It's the same thing. Help is buy our bonds.

ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: It's true they are helping us.

BECKEL: First of all who were those people? Does anybody care? Really?

PERINO: Well the Obama campaign cares.

(CROSSTALK)

BECKEL: I don't know who the people are and nor do I care. I don't see what the big deal is.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Andrea, it's the cool people forming a cult. And basically saying if you're not part of this cult, you're not cool.

TANTAROS: Basically yes and to try and I think get the youth vote out this time. You asked what would a cult leader ask you to do that you wouldn't want to do? Remember David Karesh asked all his followers to put on sneakers? Like bright white sneakers? I wouldn't do that. Not changing in my shoes for bright white sneakers.

GUTFELD: Good for you. Eric, can this end up turning people off? I mean how can you vote for something or someone that Jared Leto would like? He doesn't anything good since "Fight Club."

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: I'm trying to figure out, okay, so where are they going. They want the young youth vote. They kind of have the youth vote and they kind of have the East Coast and the West Coast? You know the Hollywood set? The cool set? So middle America is going, independents are going this is what I want? I want four more years of this? The economy stinks and all this guy can think about doing is hanging out with celebrities and buying $500, $800 bottles of champagne.

PERINO: Earlier today when the press secretary said it's "self-evident" that it's terror. Like, go away now, shoo. We really have something more important to talk about. Which is all these celebrities to write on their hands. Out of the gimmick department of the Obama campaign in Chicago. Remember the last gimmicks which was: Don't accept a wedding present. Ask somebody to donate to the Obama campaign instead. Sell your collectibles sell everything that you would get at flea market and give to Obama campaign. Can you imagine the brainstorms in the gimmick department?

GUTFELD: It's got to be entertaining. I have to ask Bob. The flag, some people called it desecration by putting Obama's logo up there. Are they tone deaf? Or is this --

BECKEL: Yeah they're tone deaf. I mean, I don't know a campaign that doesn't use the American flag one way or another. I know that Mitt Romney doesn't have a cult. Maybe he does.

GUTFELD: Stop it. You are bad!

BECKEL: I take it back. What cult are we talking about?

(CROSSTALK)

TANTAROS: You're going to start a riot and someone's going to get killed

GUTFELD: By the way that's true, people don't get angry the desecrate

BECKEL: What kind of cult would I be talking about?

GUTFELD: The cult of very handsome men, Bob.

BECKEL: Oh I see. Ok.

TANTAROS: The cult of jaw lines and hairlines.

BECKEL: Jaw line and hairline cult. I just think it's much ado about nothing. I mean so what? You get some people to endorse Obama, big deal.

GUTFELD: It's nauseating.

BECKEL: Nauseating to you.

GUTFELD: Damn right it is.

BECKEL: Join Mitt's cult.

GUTFELD: How do you know I'm not part of it already?

BECKEL: You may be.

BOLLING: Job creator's cult?

(CROSSTALK)

TANTAROS: I just think it looks so silly when there are these serious things happening in the world and you see the campaign manager posing with this hand gesture when so many in America want to give administration a different hand gesture --

GUTFELD: It is so creepy, Dana. Would you ever do that?

PERINO: Would I write on my hand for somebody? No.

GUTFELD: You'd write "Jasper."

PERINO: I used to write my homework schedule on the inside of my palm so I wouldn't forget it. I don't write on myself for anybody.

GUTFELD: I just hope whatever I did on my hand comes off because it was a magic marker.

BECKEL: You know something, whoever put that on, you what that really means?

PERINO: It means we've got to tease.

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