This is a rush transcript from "The Five," March 17, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle, along with Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld.
It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is "The Five."
GUILFOYLE: It's been ten days since the Malaysia Airlines flight vanished with 239 people onboard. An official say it's obvious this was no accident. Investigators say the plane kept flying for close to eight hours after the tracking systems went dark as the jet's computers continued to make contact with a satellite.
Now, the focus turns to the pilots as investigators say someone with extensive aviation experience deliberately diverted this plane. The search now covers two wide areas from Kazakhstan in the north to the west of Australia in the south.
Homeland Security chair, Representative Mike McCaul, and former CIA deputy director Mike Morell weigh in on the plane's possible path.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HOUSE HOMELAND SECURITY COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN MIKE MCCAUL, R-TEXAS: If they went north towards Kazakhstan, there are so many radar detection capabilities, military systems, quite frankly, if it hit some of those air spaces, this plane may have been shut down.
MIKE MORELL, FORMER CIA DEPUTY DIRECTOR: A lot of defense radar in terms of China and India and the U.S. and Afghanistan. It's most likely the southern route.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Now, as for a motive, Congressman Peter King, House Intelligence Committee member, has some thoughts.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. PETER KING, R-N.Y.: If they landed somewhere, that's one thing. If they didn't land, if they crashed, the only reason for going that far into the Indian Ocean and crashing would be for the plane never to be found. That would be basically a suicide that couldn't be proven. As far as terrorism, that certainly can't be ruled out. The fact is that there has been no terrorist chatter, there's been no communication found.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: We have talked about this on "The Five" now for, you know, a week, and so that is the curiosity here. When you're weighing the different options of what could have happened, what ultimately was the state of this plane with the 239 passengers, Eric. We've got a number of theories. You've got the representative there naming some of them, but what's adding up? What's making sense to you? And we'll take it around
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: So, here's the latest and this has been going back and forth all weekend long. And it's very important to try to be responsible and not be too speculative in that. At 1:07, that ACAR System was the first to shut down. That was 26 minutes into the plane. At 1:19 about, they're not sure if this happened right before or right after 1:21, the responders are shut off. So, there's about 14 minutes between those two.
Here's the interesting part. There was a last ping at 1: 0 a.m., a ping. Now, somehow, after that last ping, so in other words, no contact with this plane whatsoever, we know allegedly, we know that this plane flew up to 45,000 feet and back to 5,000 feet.
Now, if it goes up to 45,000 feet, that will kill all the passengers in the back, anyone who doesn't have a mask in the cockpit. Back down to 5,000.
How do we know that? There's no one telling us exactly how we know that, because we don't have contact from the plane from 1:30 a.m. until a ping at 2:15, the Malaysian military said they saw something, and then again at 11:08 a.m. So, there's a period where we know something, so someone is not telling us.
Here's my point, they're not telling us everything they know. The families must be extremely frustrated to have a bunch of us idiots on TV speculating on whether the plane was shot out of the air, it's buried into the Indian Ocean or wherever it is.
We need to be very responsible and say if something happened, this is why something happened. Maybe there were terrorists, maybe they were trying to get the plane, but we don't know.
GUILFOYLE: So, Dana, last week, we talked about the communications back and fort, the need for agencies to work together and perhaps let the U.S. take a larger role. Then you also talked about diplomacy and the Malaysians perhaps saving face because there's a lot of miscommunication and misinformation, let's be honest, in the beginning of this, that really led investigators and countries looking in the wrong direction. How does that play in now?
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Well, I do think one of the reasons the families would be looking to the media is because that's actually where the truth of all of this has come out eventually. And the Malaysians are slow to either correct the record or to confirm something we already knew.
I do not understand how we didn't have more information about the pilots until Saturday afternoon, when all of the questions are raised about him. That seems to me either that the media wasn't asking the right questions or they weren't forthcoming, or the United States or other allies were looking at the pilots and wanted to keep things quiet so they could pull out intelligence threads that there might have been out there.
There is still a possibility that this was, there was some sort of fire, there's an accident, and they turn around and go back, but it is interesting, Eric, I agree. How do they know for sure that there was foul play? And to me, that seems a little bit speculative, at least maybe it's more -- it's like 10 percent likely it was an accident now, not 100 percent that it was terrorism or suicide.
GUILFOYLE: What about the focus -- yes, what about the focus on these pilots? It seems to be pretty intense scrutiny at this point, which suggests that perhaps they do have other information, maybe they had it, like Dana said, and we're finally hearing about it because they have more, you know, credible information about what some of them might have been up to.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Yes, the weird fact that seems like why didn't this come out before is one of the pilot's family, the family moved out the day or so before the actual flight. That's like a doctor neglecting to tell you there's a spot on the x-ray. It's a pretty important point.
And where is this family? Where did they go? If this happened in America, they would already have a reality show. They would be all over this.
It just seems to me that shouldn't it be able to produce this family, find out why they left? Did they leave because he was becoming more and more extremist, did he tell them the leave? Maybe it has nothing to do with them.
GUILFOYLE: Or the people he was working with or in conjunction with perhaps, that he became radicalized, moved the family so they could get less information. I mean, that's -- we're searching for answers, too.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Well, the thing that strikes me first of all is the flight responders that they used to identify where the flight is were turned off before the pilot said good night.
BOLLING: That's been going back and forth all weekend long, Bob.
They have said, all right, good night happened just before the transponder was physically turned off, and then we heard it happened just after. No one is actually --
BOLLING: They have been going back and forth.
BECKEL: OK, I did not know that latter part.
But the other thing I did see over the weekend, they said they want to the pilot's house, the copilot's house, and the flight engineer's house because they were looking for somebody who could manage a plane like this, terribly complicated to fly, particularly at 5,000 feet. I'm still trying to figure out how did they know it was at 5,000 feet?
But -- and then they found a flight simulator in the pilot or co- pilot's house. Now, a flight simulator, I've met a few of those things, they're huge. I mean, I assume they must mean something else besides a flight simulator, right?
BOLLING: Well, there it is.
BECKEL: Yes. But I mean, you don't haul a flight simulator into your backyard?
PERINO: Well, I have heard that it's not unusual for a pilot to have one of those at home.
BOLLING: It's really just a series of monitors with -- you're looking at it on the screen, that's the pilot and the flight simulator that he was
-- that they found in his home.
Something that one of the experts today pointed out, and again, we're hearing so many experts that weigh in. When you take a plane up to 45,000 feet, the oxygen masks typically will come down, but the plane that size only has oxygen for about 15 minutes.
So, if they're up there for more than 15 minutes, the whole cabin is dead. The people in the back who aren't in the cockpit with the pilot's own oxygen masks will be dead. So, if you want to do this, and it's speculative again, I have to be careful, someone could have brought the plane up to 45,000 feet, stayed up there. That would explain why no cell phones were turned on or no calls tried to have been made after that, and gone down to 5,000 feet to stay there to -- stay under radar, maybe lost control of the plane.
BECKEL: How do they know it's at 5,000 feet?
BOLLING: That is -- for me, that's the question that needs to be answered. If you lost all contact with this airplane at 1:30 a.m., which they say they have, picked it up at 2:15 a.m., there's 45 minutes where they say the plane has gone up and down, but how do they know that? How in the world do you know that?
GUTFELD: Also, could one pilot have disabled all the communications and notification systems. I mean, that --
GUILFOYLE: If they overcame the other pilot?
GUTFELD: But I mean, that's a lot of work to commit suicide, which is weird. The thing about the lack of chatter is also interesting because that can mean, as King said, not terror or it's not over. And it's part of something else. And it's a concentrated effort just to keep their mouths shut. There's some crazy stuff going on.
GUILFOYLE: But it's interesting, though, you bring up the aspect about -- Representative King, he's very forthright with the information he has. He gets right out there and starts talking about it. The fact that he's saying so far nothing has been picked up by the intelligence community from day one -- that, Bob, you even said that. It's a little bit strange.
BECKEL: Well, it's very strange. I mean, the other thing I find strange is you have at least three people in the cockpit, right? You have the pilot, the copilot, and the engineer. If this was suddenly being done by a pilot, then that means he had to overcome the other two people and --
GUILFOYLE: And the flight attendants.
BECKEL: Well, the flight attendants I assume are outside the door, but so -- or all three were complicit or two were complicit, but it's not somebody up there decided, I'm going to kill myself. By the way, you guys want to go along with this, ok, I'm going to kill myself, just don't worry about it.
I mean, it's so bizarre, the whole thing is bizarre, and there's a lot of misinformation about it, and here's the horrible part about it, you may never, ever know.
PERINO: That's why I think our government has a responsibility and you might see them make a move in the next 24 to 48 hours to try to instill confidence in the American public, because it is not outside the realm of possibility the plane did land somewhere and they're planning to do something else with it. And given that, that's what terrorism is made for, right? To make all of us nervous.
PERINO: I think the United States government is going to have to come out and run roughshod over the Malaysians if they can't provide more confidence than they are now.
BOLLING: Is anyone else concerned a flight like this could be completely under the radar for our intelligence community? Wouldn't you think that -- look, at any given time, there's somewhere around 80,000 flights in the air. That's a lot of planes, but not too much, and not too many to track something as simple as a 30-ton airplane in the ocean.
BECKEL: If it's over the south Indian Ocean, there's a lot of stuff to the north, not much to the south.
But, you know, I do think it obviously scares flyers. People who have a little concern about flying. Look at this, a plane takes off from Florida, a Delta plane, and have to make an emergency landing in Atlanta because they lost part of their wing.
Now, that got to be a big story. I suppose it is a story, but I mean, it got bigger as a result of this flight, I think.
GUILFOYLE: I think we're going to leave it right there. Thank you, Bob. So far, so good.
Ahead on "The Five," why is LeBron James pushing ObamaCare during March Madness. We're going to show you the NBA star's new health care ad.
And later, just in times for St. Patrick's Day, Bob may have just discovered the greatest sweet treat to grace the earth. He's beloved Twinkie. He's going to unveil it right here on "The Five." So don't go away.
BECKEL: They were good.
PERINO: Today marks the U.S. imposed deadline on Russia, calling on them to reverse course in Ukraine or face serious repercussions.
Last Friday, Secretary of State John Kerry told Vladimir Putin the deadline wasn't personal.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOHN KERRY, SECRETARY OF STATE: We hope President Putin will recognize that none of what we're saying is meant as a threat, is not meant as, you know, in a personal way. It is meant as a matter of respect for the international multilateral structure that we have lived by since World War II.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: And Putin was like, so what?
PERINO: Yesterday, 96 percent of Crimean voters supported a referendum that would see the region become part of Russia. The U.S. will not recognize that vote. It took place under the watchful eye of Russian troops.
Here's President Obama this morning.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: The referendum in Crimea was a clear violation of Ukrainian constitutions, and international law. And it will not be recognized by the international community.
Today, I'm announcing a series of measures that will continue to increase the cost on Russia and on those responsible for what is happening in Ukraine.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Moments ago, "The Daily Beast" reported that Russia will respond with sanctions of their own against Obama officials and U.S.
lawmakers as early as tomorrow. One of things, that means that you're not going to be able to travel to Russia, which to me, would be just fine.
GUTFELD: Yes. But actually, I kind of enjoy that area -- part of the world since my wife is from there.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, but you have it at home.
PERINO: In the green room, you were talking about trying to get inside the Russian mind.
PERINO: What do you think they're thinking about all this?
GUTFELD: All right. Number one, seeing Kerry saying nothing personal, when the head of Russian propaganda is saying they could turn America to dust, it's the KGB versus the PTA, it's scary.
From a Russian perspective, though, it's kind of like -- the Russians are like parents in a Wal-Mart disciplining their son, and America is now the bystander that's butting in and telling you how to be a good parent.
If that's how they look at it, they're saying this is our influence. Leave us alone.
But the lesson here is contrary to the hip grad school mentality, American might and exceptionalism does matter, and when it's removed from the world stage, you leave a vacuum for this to happen. I'm not saying that this caused it to happen. It made it more likely to happen. When you leave the world stage, the world keeps turning even when you jump off.
PERINO: What about -- well, it's interesting, because one of the national security officials in the Obama administration, Eric, said today that in a "New York Times" piece by David Sanger that Obama knows that he's trying to manage a period of American retrenchment or retreat from the world. But what about the rule of -- what about the rule of law that President Obama was talking about earlier?
BOLLING: He said they're violating -- Russia is violating international law, but, look, I agree with Greg. This -- I'm not, let me not paraphrase you improperly. This isn't our fight. Your analogy of the mom teaching her kid something and us trying to get involved in it, let them. If the European Union doesn't want to get involved, 96 percent of the Crimeans said we want to be Russian --
PERINO: You believe that?
BOLLING: I do.
PERINO: Do you believe that 96 percent of the people in Crimea voted with their conscience, 96 percent?
BOLLING: I believe --
GUTFELD: Like climate change.
BOLLING: I believe the Crimeans would rather be Russian than Ukrainian. Now --
PERINO: You believe 96 percent voted -- that's like one of the former polls on CNN on immigration, 98 percent of people say -- it's not possible.
BOLLING: Well -- OK.
PERINO: You think they did that voting on their own conscious with no pressure?
BOLLING: How's this? I don't know if it's 96 percent or 69 percent.
But whatever it is, they voted to leave Ukraine and hook up with Russia, which they wanted to do. They're predominantly Russian-speaking people who want to be part of Russia. Why are we --
PERINO: You're OK. That can just happen anywhere else?
BOLLING: Why are we smarter than them and say, you know what, you shouldn't be with Russia --
PERINO: What about the international agreement, Bob, of 1994, where the United States and Britain promised that they would help protect the territorial integrity of Ukraine, which was signed in 1994?
BECKEL: Yes, in which we have a responsibility.
There's a couple comments on what I have heard so far. First of all, the United States is not leaving the world theater. We have military might that is far surpassing the Russians. Russia posed no military threat to the United States unless they launch their missiles. If they do, we launch our missiles and the world is over.
So, the last thing they have is their missiles and it's doomsday. In term of the military versus military, they don't stand a chance if they were to do that.
The second thing is the E.U. has weighed in. Merkel finally said very strongly after the Crimean vote that it was going to be something the E.U.
was going to have to join the United States and impose sanctions on the Russians.
And the third thing I'd say that although, Eric, I think you're probably right, there are more Crimeans who want to be there with Russia than not, I don't think it's quite that big. They did a poll and 46 percent of them a few months ago said yes.
BOLLING: You brought that poll. Someone brought that poll up last week when I said the same thing, and the poll polled Ukrainians on whether or not Crimea should stay --
PERINO: Crimea is part of Ukraine until this past weekend.
BOLLING: We know the majority of the Ukrainians want to keep Crimea.
It's what they've said all along. But the Crimeans who are -- who have gone to the voting booth right now and said, no, thank you very much, we want to be Russian.
PERINO: Yes, thank you very much under the barrel of your gun.
Let me ask you, Kimberly, how does the administration now, working with the European Union, maybe we don't want to, de-escalate the situation so it doesn't go any further.
GUILFOYLE: I think we need help, and it's not de-escalating, unfortunately, because now they're standing their ground. They're going to impose sanctions against the U.S. that's just a little disregard and fear that he has, you know, for this country. I'm not surprised by that at all.
I would want a leader that's actually going to be forceful that people were going to kind of worry about, have a healthy fear and respect. Just going back about the poll, there was a poll in February, though, that said
41 percent of the Crimeans wanted to join Russia. I'm saying that's a big jump between February to now, so all I'm saying that the big jump between February to now. So, all I'm saying is --
BOLLING: Be very careful. Both of those polls were Ukrainians polled. February and December polls were Ukrainians asked, not Crimeans.
GUILFOYLE: Can I finish for a second?
So, what I'm saying is we should probably take a close look and not just, like, swallow it wholesale to say this is something that wasn't a little heavy handed given who is involved. That's all I'm saying.
BECKEL: And, by the way, I wouldn't underestimate these sanctions they are taking against the Russians and particularly in his parliament.
They are -- they have billions of dollars that are now going to be frozen.
That's something the Russians have to ask themselves. How much does this do to impact on their economy and the players in their economy. It may have some impact.
GUTFELD: Going back just lastly to that nothing personal, that we all cringed because we never thought we'd ever hear one of our world leaders say, hey, look, it's nothing personal. Every error we make is based on a mistaken belief that the world gets us, and if we just talk to them, if we just talk it out, they'll understand freedom and democracy.
It may be a reality that they don't understand what we do, and they don't care.
BECKEL: But, Greg, I think that was a very, very scripted statement he made about Putin. There had to be some reason.
PERINO: It's like they're thinking, OK, they have been told, if you say this, then Putin will maybe back off because you'll tell him it's not personal. It's like a weird psychological, like we're completely disconnected as to what he wants.
GUTFELD: He has no emotions.
PERINO: OK, we had a great second topic, but we don't have time.
Coming up, the U.S. government bowed to pressure to relinquish America's control over the internet. Is it a sign of weakness from our country? We'll analyze that next on "The Five."
BOLLING: Welcome back to the fastest seven, three wild stories, seven whisking empties, one winsome host. Get ready for your heads to explode.
Bill Maher, liberal commentator, activist, and now, add to those blasphemous slug delivered this commentary on his most recent show.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BILL MAHER, TV HOST: The thing that is most disturbing about Noah is that it's immoral. It's about a psychotic mass murder who gets away with it, and his name is God. You know, conservatives are always going on about how Americans are losing their values and their morality. Well, maybe it's because you worship a guy who drowns babies.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: So, Maher said guy is a psychotic mass murderer and went on to call God a name usually reserved for describing a guy like Bill Maher and it starts with a D, K.G.
GUILFOYLE: It's just so appalling and he's so desperate for ratings or he's really trying hard to audition for the role of devil. I mean, I don't understand what is wrong with this man, but he's dark and disgusting inside.
BOLLING: Greg, your thoughts?
GUTFELD: He's an atheist. No, he's an atheist, so it should be no surprise that he's critical of God, and he doesn't consider it blasphemous because he doesn't believe in it.
By the way, religion has over many, many centuries had its share of inflammatory speakers, and Bill Maher is now an inflammatory speaker for atheism. They have a lot of catching up to do, because I remember, you know, you will burn in hell if you don't repent. So there is -- there is, you know, atheists -- I guess what I'm saying, is atheism is now catching up to religion in saying some pretty inflammatory stuff.
By the way, the flood was not God's fault. It was obviously climate change. So, it's man's fault.
BOLLING: Dana, any thoughts on that?
PERINO: So, I have a self-imposed cap and trade level for how much outrage I can tolerate, and he doesn't rise to the level of me cashing in one of my credits, because he's trying to shock me. See, I feel very confident and comfortable in my faith and my religion, so someone like Bill Maher who is an atheist says that, it doesn't bother me.
BOLLING: Bob, you know, if it were politics and someone were to say something that outrageous about Obama, the left would absolutely just go crazy. They -- whoever said it would be a racist and evil and all that.
What do you think of Bill Maher?
BECKEL: Anybody who said it who was an elected politician would be defeated as a result of this.
I mean, this is another classic example. I think Greg is right. He's obviously an atheist because he doesn't understand the Bible and the history of the ark and what was behind it and why God acted the way he did, because the people of the earth were sinning. So, there's a lot more to it than what Maher says.
I think the fact that you bring God into a television show like that and call him a mass murder is probably the lowest you could probably go short of, I don't know, taking, you know, I don't think you get much lower.
GUTFELD: But isn't he talking about the literal nature of the story?
That if you take the flood literally, then what he's saying is correct.
You have to ask yourself, do you believe in Noah's ark? If you don't believe in it, you shouldn't be offended.
BOLLING: Right. Well, let's -- I don't want to think about that.
All right, the White House failing miserably to get people, young people to sign up for ObamaCare. They've tried hipsters, they've tried rap songs, they've tried Adam Levine, still not selling. Check out the latest lame attempt to trick our youth into buying something they don't need and can't afford.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
LEBRON JAMES, NBA STARR: I'm LeBron James. I know how important it is to take care of yourself, your friends, and your family. That's why I want to tell you about the health insurance marketplace at healthcare.gov.
You could go there to find an affordable health plan as part of the healthcare law. The deadline to enroll is March 31st.
So sign up now. You never know when you might take a hit. Spread the word and get covered today.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right, Greg, you want to kick this off. By the way, it's got to cost a lot to hire LeBron James to do this.
GUILFOYLE: I think he probably did it for free, hello.
GUTFELD: But never has been something sold so hard. This is the arts deluxe of boondoggles. And you know what it is? What's drive me nuts, it's the how -- this is how they try to win. They have to enlist the cool kids, the hip people, to apply peer pressure on the rest of the kids in class. Like, if you don't do this, if you don't get into ObamaCare, if you didn't vote for Obama, you're just not cool.
So, that's why they rely on celebrities to sell basically a pretty bad thing because if you have to sell something this hard, that means it ain't any good.
PERINO: I feel like Greg is always looking off my notes. I said, good product sells itself. Every week, it's like we could have another story about how more celebrities are being brought in to affect the change they need by March 31st. Perfectly good commercial, compelling. I'd watched it, I like the music, it's cute. But the product is not flying off the shelves.
BECKEL: I think it's exactly the right thing to do. I'd use more of him if he could. LeBron James has an audience that is going to listen to him.
The fact is after he did between the palms or whatever it's called.
BECKEL: With Obama, they had a huge increase in people going to the health care site.
PERINO: Going to the Web site.
GUTFELD: Big success that ObamaCare was that web talk show.
By the way, I'm OK with these guys selling it if they use it, but they don't use it, Bob. They're like drug dealers. They don't take their own drugs.
BOLLING: K.G., what about when the young people do sign up and they realize how expensive it is and how it's really not a good thing.
GUILFOYLE: Bait and switch.
GUILFOYLE: Somebody call the consumer affairs division, because a fraud has been committed. That's what this is. I mean, it's crazy, and they're still pushing it and pushing it because they're upset about the way it makes them look because it was an abysmal failure, because there's no good bargain.
You know, you leave your doctor, your rates go up. Young people can't afford it.
BOLLING: Young people are the least that need it, and they're the most important to ObamaCare.
BECKEL: They're the most difficult to get, but it's not over yet by a long shot.
BOLLING: Let's get to this. This is interesting. An unexpected move, the Obama administration announced they have relinquished control of the Internet to an international governing body. But don't worry, international groups are now even more pleased with President Obama.
They're just waiting on the president to hand over the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls and maybe even Texas.
Dana, this is kind of a big deal.
PERINO: I think it's a big deal. It sounds a little technical, but this is a fight that has been going on for many years.
The Department of Commerce oversees the Internet domain names. The United Nations, as the Internet has grown globally more available to more and more people, the United Nations wants in on it.
Department of Commerce was fiercely protective of it, I think for a good reason. United States has the best technical experts. I think they're under a lot of pressure just to do something that would make people feel good about the United States.
I don't feel good about this. I don't think it was a necessary move.
BOLLING: What do you think?
GUTFELD: I don't want to get into this massive, we gave away the Internet, because we didn't have the Internet to begin with, but the goal -
- the reason they did this was to reassure the world that we aren't spying on you. This was a concession --
GUILFOYLE: Because of?
GUTFELD: -- noted disclosures.
It may mean nothing now, but when you consider the threat of cyber warfare in the future, we have no idea if we just created an uncertain balance because we want the world to like us. Every time we try to get the world to like us, we get screwed.
GUILFOYLE: And not --
GUTFELD: And not in a good way.
GUILFOYLE: He said it.
GUTFELD: I just repeated what you mouthed.
GUILFOYLE: Reading my lips again.
BOLLING: You know what they're talking about? What if this international body says we're going to put a tax on Internet use?
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh. That's what's happening next, isn't it?
Didn't you call it? That's the next chapter.
BECKEL: To who?
BOLLING: Any user, Bob.
GUILFOYLE: Anybody who goes on is going to get taxed.
BECKEL: United States is a relatively small percentage of the people who use the internet in the world. Why shouldn't the world body use it?
BOLLING: Wait, where did you read that?
BECKEL: All of Europe, all of China, all of south America, all of Africa --
GUILFOYLE: China, they have a billion people.
BECKEL: You think the United States has more people on the Internet?
GUILFOYLE: No, it's Bob's China math again.
BOLLING: I would be willing to bet we spend more money on the Internet, we spend more hours per capita on the Internet by far.
GUTFELD: We created all the engines. Facebook -- come on.
GUILFOYLE: We created the Internet. Al Gore, remember?
BOLLING: We're the biggest --
BECKEL: No, no. That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous.
PERINO: Think of it -- the United Nations has a human rights committee, and who sits on that right now? Russia, Venezuela, and Syria, among others. I think Cuba is on it as well. What is going to happen when
BECKEL: That's another (INAUDIBLE) what we're talking about?
PERINO: How do you know the U.N. isn't going to create a committee where you have people who abuse the Internet and don't let people have access to or it try to tax it so it's more fair and equitable around the world?
BECKEL: An international tax like that --
PERINO: What do you think the Kyoto Protocol was? That's exactly what that's was going to be.
BECKEL: No, no, that was going to be individually assigned to a treaty. That's different than this.
GUILFOYLE: How much time is it going to take to undo all of this is the problem.
PERINO: We need 14 minutes.
BECKEL: It's going to be --
BOLLING: We need more time. We have to go, fastest 14?
GUILFOYLE: Oh, no. Please?
GUTFELD: That's what they called me.
BOLLING: That has a ring to it.
GUILFOYLE: That gives.
BOLLING: All right. (INAUDIBLE) some schools are letting them sleep in. Should students get out of bed? Ahead on "The Five."
GUILFOYLE: This is starting all over again. I'm just not going to be in the right mood unless we have a food segment in between all this.
GUTFELD: All right. Can I start now?
GUTFELD: OK. "The New York Times" published a piece on sleep activism. It's about crusaders who think high school classes start too early, depriving teens of sleep. So, rather than rise and shine, it's now yawn and whine.
And then again, if sleeping in keeps teenagers out of my way, who am I to argue? Maybe it's not bad thing to sleep through your teens. You'll be less likely to be arrested, knocked up or bother me.
Anyway, the piece asked a key to an early rise. You have to get up early, you go to bed early, even if you aren't tired. I hated it, too, but it's things you hate that make you great. It creates discipline for a more productive life.
Think of early rising as building invisible muscles that remain forever, making it easier for you to tackle anything before anyone else.
Being up early and seeing others up reminds you that the world is moving without you.
Let's face it, sleep would be so much easier if all of us, not just teens, didn't sleep with our comfortably charged companions, the smartphones keeping us up doing dumb stuff when we should be snoring and drooling all over the pillow.
Finally, here's one last tip for teens you're your Uncle Greg: you're young, good looking, full of opportunity. Do you really want to sleep through that? Get up and get out. You can sleep in during college. You won't miss a damn thing then.
GUTFELD: Oh, look, I'm back here.
GUTFELD: What are they doing over there?
GUILFOYLE: Remember how much you wanted to do this the other day, and we were having big breaking news? You're like, ah, my sleep monologue.
GUTFELD: Well, Kimberly, here's the thing -- the secret to getting up early is having something to look forward to. Kids are never sleepy on Christmas Eve. They can -- they're just up. You always have to have one thing that day, right?
GUILFOYLE: Well, that's exactly right. That's why kids don't want to get up when they're in college, except for me because I had perfect attendance. They don't want to get up and go to the class. They want to sit in their room and eat top ramen and leftover nachos that are disgusting from the night before, which is kind of fun. You don't have to reheat them.
But that's the thing. You need motivation. What excites you? When you wake up in the morning and your head is on the pillow and you sleep like I do, like this, with your lashes on, what makes you want to get up and get going?
BECKEL: Yes, I know it, too. I know what it is. It's a physics class in high school. That's a real good reason to want to get up in the morning, or math or something else that's real exciting. I don't blame them.
Some of these kids are getting up at 6: 0, 6:15, they get the first class, they miss it because they're half sleep. There ought to be an hour longer they can sleep in. If it were me, I'd miss about three quarter of the school day.
GUILFOYLE: -- or a job you like.
GUTFELD: Eric, you know what got me up? It was always having a crush on somebody. That got me out of bed.
BOLLING: That works.
GUTFELD: Usually into a tree where I watched them.
BOLLING: Look, I think getting up early is very important. My son, he's 15, I get him up 6:30 every morning. It's once. It's get up. He's maybe a second time. Make sure he's up in five minutes.
But I think it's a pattern. If you just keep the kids --
BOLLING: Yes, schedule.
GUILFOYLE: But he's a star baseball player and a straight-A student.
I would get up.
BOLLING: OK, OK, but the point is it comes down to parents making sure it means a lot to parents, too. Making sure, you know, go ahead and sleep in tomorrow. Once you start opening that door, like, OK, sleep in, maybe once or twice a week and you miss your first class --
GUILFOYLE: Bad habit.
BOLLING: It's over.
BECKEL: What does he do on Saturdays and Sundays?
BOLLING: You want to know something? I've got him up at 8:00 on Saturday, and on Sunday, I got him up 9:00. You just keep them busy.
GUTFELD: Dana is the expert on this. You actually get up before you go to bed, which is amazing.
PERINO: I know, I don't miss a thing.
I don't trust people who sleep in past 9: 0, if they're grown adults.
PERINO: I understand that teens need a little more sleep, and I believe that all these studies are being done to try to help them have a competitive edge. But believe me, kids in China are not sleeping in until
9: 0 a.m. They're up and atom.
GUTFELD: Yes, but that's --
BECKEL: You don't trust anybody who sleep after 9:00? I sleep until 11:00. You don't trust me at all?
PERINO: Case in point.
GUILFOYLE: Dana is so funny today in the green room. She's like, can you believe it? I never heard of such a thing. Like it's so absurd, two weeks spring break?
PERINO: Some kids in New York get two weeks off for spring break.
This is why the Chinese are...
BECKEL: You didn't miss one college class?
GUILFOYLE: No, and I didn't miss one law school.
BECKEL: Are you kidding me? Get out of here.
GUTFELD: All right. We've got to go.
GUILFOYLE: Go back and check it. And call you...
BECKEL: Nobody does that.
GUILFOYLE: Swear to God.
BECKEL: Nobody does unless you're psychotic.
BOLLING: You're saucy today. You know that?
GUTFELD: Yes. I put something in his water.
All right, coming up, it's St. Patrick's Day. And even though Bob doesn't drink alcohol anymore, he's toasting the luck of the Irish by taking a shot of a tasty new treat. He'll show you next on "The Five."
BECKEL: It's St. Patrick's Day, folks. Most of you know I stopped drinking a long time ago...
BECKEL: ... but I managed to find something better to celebrate with today, and it's alcohol-free. A shot of milk and cookies. It's pure genius.
A bakery downtown here in New York City invented it, and I had to go have it. People were lined up around the block for them, but I got in line
-- I mean, I cut in line so I could get in there first.
BECKEL: Look at the size of this line. This is amazing. Cookies?
You're here for cookies and milk?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Of course.
BECKEL: How long have you been waiting in line for this?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We got here at 1:15.
BECKEL: One-15 today for a cookie?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Eighth in line.
BECKEL: I'm running for mayor on the basis of cookies and milk, and I wondered if I could get some votes here from you people.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Absolutely.
BECKEL: OK, good. Just remember, Bob Beckel, that's cookies and milk. And that's my platform for mayor.
Ah, my favorite place, a bakery. Are you kidding me? What a nice job assignment this is.
I've got to ask you a question. Where did you come up with this idea?
DOMNIQUE ANSEL, PASTRY CHEF: A couple weeks ago, with the team, they were eating cookies, and they told me they're always drinking cold milk with the cookies.
BECKEL: Who told you this? Girls at the gym?
ANSEL: My team. No, my team in the bakery here.
You want to try?
BECKEL: Yes, I want to try. Let's do it. That's thick milk, man.
Are you kidding me? That's great.
ANSEL: Thank you.
BECKEL: Dominique, my man.
ANSEL: Good, right?
BECKEL: Are you kidding me? Are you sure there's no marijuana in this?
ANSEL: No, no marijuana.
As a recovering alcoholic, I can tell you, this filled with booze will draw every drunk in the neighborhood, of which there are a lot. Terrific job, man. Thank you so much.
ANSEL: Thank you for coming.
BECKEL: They were great.
BECKEL: I want -- I want to thank Dominique Ansel who did this -- owns this bakery, and who created this. And I want everybody here to try it and tell me what you think. Now be careful. What you've got to do is take a little bit of the milk out first.
GUTFELD: You know, Bob, I have a problem with this. This is a shot glass that's obviously a gateway to a real shot glass.
GUILFOYLE: You drink it all at once?
BECKEL: No, no. You take it and drink a little bit of the milk and then eat the cookie.
GUILFOYLE: You have to drink all the milk because then you'll spill all over your face.
BECKEL: I just spilled. That's what I did?
GUILFOYLE: See what I told you?
BOLLING: This is cream. It's not milk, is it?
BECKEL: They get it from upstate New York.
GUILFOYLE: It's not filled with chemicals and hormones. It's whole milk.
BECKEL: Dana, did you try it?
PERINO: I'm smelling it. Smells great.
BECKEL: You like it? You like it?
GUILFOYLE: I think it's super good. But you have to understand, inside of this hole is lined with milk chocolate. See? Can you see it?
BECKEL: Greg, try it out and see what you think.
GUTFELD: Yes, but mine is leaking.
BOLLING: They're all leaking.
GUTFELD: It's pretty good.
BECKEL: It is pretty good.
PERINO: Bob, you want mine?
BECKEL: I will take yours. After the show, yes.
But this guy, he's a terrific guy, Dominique. And I -- by the way, Dominique, I'm sorry I asked you about whether you had a green card. I know you have one. So congratulations.
GUILFOYLE: Bob, can you make some friends, Bob?
BECKEL: I did. I made some friends. He and I are good buddies. Now he's going to give you some -- he only makes 250 of these a day. And the other thing he made that he created, which was a big deal, was croissants and doughnuts. They called it cronut.
PERINO: He invented the cronut?
BECKEL: And they line it up. That's right, they line it up.
GUILFOYLE: Did you try one of those?
BECKEL: They ran out by the time I got there.
GUILFOYLE: This is really good.
BECKEL: Try that. If you ever get downtown, do Dominique's bakery.
Try it; you'll like it.
"One More Thing" is up next.
GUILFOYLE: Is this the news? It doesn't look like it from where I'm sitting. Nevertheless, we'll go. "One More Thing," Greg.
GUTFELD: Thank you, Kimberly. Well, my book, "Not Cool," is coming out tomorrow. And this is the very, very, very first copy that just came out from the printer. And I always give the first book to the person that really helped me the most through this, and I worked on this on weekends and nights. And this person was there to help me out whenever I had questions and...
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.
GUTFELD: Really, when there were times when it was tough, and I didn't know what to do, I always went to this person. This person said, "Here, let me help you." And if it wasn't for this person, this book would not have been published. So Bob...
BECKEL: Thank you.
GUILFOYLE: I thought you were going to be awesome for a second and be nice to Dana.
GUTFELD: It's the coolest liberal alive.
BECKEL: Thank you very much, Greg. Now we can promote this for the next ten...
GUILFOYLE: It is signed.
Get it at GGutfeld.com.
GUILFOYLE: Please, help him. He needs a lot.
OK. So let's take out this video from KTTV, because there was an earthquake in Los Angeles, and this happened when the news anchors were on.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: What we experienced...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Whoa.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, my goodness.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All right, that's an earthquake.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, yes.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And that's a big one.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Wow.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: That is a big one. I've been in bigger ones than that.
BECKEL: Good for you.
PERINO: Oh, my.
GUILFOYLE: OK. Dana, lick your face. Lick your face. It's like chocolate everywhere.
GUTFELD: What has happened?
GUILFOYLE: Dana, it's you.
PERINO: OK. Well, I'm changing the mood a little bit. I don't usually do a serious "One More Thing," but I felt this was worth it.
President Obama was presented today with a letter from eight senators, a bipartisan group, about Syria and the policy there. They are asking the president to press forward on the re-examination of the policy, saying that humanitarian aid efforts are not good enough, and that we need to consider doing more. And if you look at any of the reporting, including from "The Telegraph" last week, some very chilling stories there. So I think the eight senators getting together today will probably press the administration to at least answer them.
BECKEL: Here, here.
BOLLING: OK, me. So you know I love "Homeland." You know I love "The Walking Dead." A fantastic series. Dana turned me on to "House of Cards," and I absolutely adore that one. A new one, I told you about it last year, but this year is amazing. Last night, "Naked and Afraid,"
PERINO: It's so weird.
BOLLING: Premiered last night. Two survivalists, one man, one woman.
No food, no water, no clothes. It's out of control, the best reality TV you've ever seen in your life.
PERINO: I hate that show.
BOLLING: Peruvian amazon, unbelievable.
GUTFELD: You're a pervert.
BOLLING: No, no, they block everything out. You don't...
GUTFELD: You like blurry people.
BOLLING: You know what it is?
GUILFOYLE: Or himself naked (ph).
BOLLING: All those bugs and spiders.
BECKEL: Very quick, you know the St. Patrick's Day parade, which is a very big deal around the world, it did not start in Ireland. It started right here in New York City back in the 1700s when brave soldiers of Irish descent did the first march.
PERINO: Did you go to the first one?
BECKEL: I did. I covered it.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Well, don't forget to set your DVRs so you never miss an episode of "The Five." We're going to see you back here tomorrow. "Special Report" is next. And happy St. Patrick's Day.
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