A middle school in Port Washington, New York, has banned footballs, baseballs and soccer balls -- those things, in case you don't know what they are. Plus, stuff like tag and cartwheels will be under teacher supervision from now on.

Said a superintendent, quote, "Some of these injuries can unintentionally become very serious, so we want to make sure our children have fun but are also protected."

I agree. I think all brats should be cocooned in bubble wrap, then inserted into an egg-shaped polyurethane container where soy milk can be fed through a plastic straw. Then, when they turn 18 we can hatch them like baby chicks and eat them, because that's all they'll be good for.

In medicine, there's this thing called the hygiene hypothesis -- that's a lack of childhood exposure to infectious stuff that boosts disease risk later. It's why some docs think playing in dirt is good for it helps build immunity. That's why I don't bathe.

I don't know if this is true with bacteria, but I'm thinking it's true for spines. Absurd efforts to shield kids from perceived risks like bruises or bullies creates weak adults, the kind who describe jokes as hurtful and words as insensitive -- insensitive meaning they become leftists.

Understanding risk is the only way to navigate it. And while head injuries are nothing to laugh at, it's the fragile mentality of the sheltered that's a joke.

The only thing worse than a crying child is a whining adult, and that's the one area I know we're beating China in.