• With: Dennis Miller

    This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," October 23, 2013. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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    O'REILLY: Thanks for staying with us, I'm Bill O'Reilly in the "Miller Time" segment tonight, spying on the French. Apparently the National Security Agency did that, perhaps looking for recipes. Anyway, Secretary of State John Kerry had to eat some crow.

    (BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

    JOHN KERRY, U.S. SECRETARY OF STATE: Our goal is always to try to find the right balance between protecting the security and the privacy of our citizens. And this work is going to continue as well as our very close consultations with our friends here in France.

    (END VIDEO CLIP)

    O'REILLY: No. Joining us now from Santa Barbara, the sage of southern California, Dennis Miller. You know, I was going to say something but I'm not. I'm going to let you say whatever you want. Would you spy on the French?

    DENNIS MILLER, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: Billy, can you repeat that? I've got some interference? Wait a second. What the -- what the -- I guess we are under some sort of hidden scrutiny that we are not aware of these days.

    (LAUGHTER)

    MILLER: Spying on the French?

    O'REILLY: Yes.

    MILLER: It stinks. It stinks. Spying on the French. It absolutely stinks. You know something, Bill, God forbid that we waterboard Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and get some hard data out of him when we can put a spy cam in Gerard Depardieu sauna and get the real story.

    (LAUGHTER)

    MILLER: Three quarters of the emails that they break from France are letters to guy's mistresses telling them to bear with them that they are about to leave their wife soon and they shouldn't jump off right now.

    O'REILLY: I just thought it had something to do with food, French food. You know, great all over the world. And maybe ...

    MILLER: Well, let's break the Brunei's (ph) code. God forbid we go after al Qaeda.

    O'REILLY: Maybe you know to be serious though, there are a lot of Muslims. Ten percent of the population of France is Muslim now. So ...

    MILLER: Why would you want to spy on Muslims? There is no problem there.

    O'REILLY: No, you don't see any?

    MILLER: I give up. No, I don't know what to tell you. The world has gone nuts.

    O'REILLY: Well the NSA spying on 80,000 French people and John Kerry looked like he had control of the situation there.

    MILLER: Well, it's always good when the secretary of state has a longer face than the actual flag behind him.

    O'REILLY: OK. Arnold Schwarzenegger tweeted today that he doesn't have any intention of running for president. Doesn't want the law changed, which had been reported in the "New York Post" and "The Washington Times," so he denies that that is on his mind. And then he said but "O'REILLY FACTOR" I still watch you and Dennis, love the show." So apparently he likes you, Miller. But would you like to see the governator, you know, if he could, run for president?

    MILLER: I think most people suspect that Arnold was born in Kenya. And it's an odd time for him to want to run for president, because I'm just about to split for Austria. So, it's really works weird that way. There is no need for the pump you up guy, Bernanke is putting an $86 billion a month, thank you very much. And Bill, at the end of the day I don't care who president is anymore. I don't care if it's Arnold Schwarzenegger, Arnold Zipple (ph). Arnold Stang. I don't care if it's Eddie Arnold, Eve Arden.

    (LAUGHTER)

    MILLER: I just want to write a check and be left alone, OK? Because it's all gone absolutely crazy. I would rather talk to the marble columns behind Joe Manchin than I would talk to Joe Manchin.

    (CROSSTALK)

    O'REILLY: He's going to do the right thing.

    MILLER: That goes for John Boehner on the tanning bed with the thong on smoking lucky nones (ph). That goes for fat men's butler Kathleen Sebelius, that goes for Obama and that goes for Biden. Let me send you a check. Leave me alone. Because taxation without representation is tyranny, but taxation with incessant representation is tedious.

    O'REILLY: It's worse!

    MILLER: I've had it! Let me send you a check!

    O'REILLY: Bill, right, I think that we are going to get it done, though. We are going to get the Obamacare mandate delayed. I think, you know, we are working together here. This is detente. This is -- come on.

    MILLER: Bill, I think Obamacare is the new prohibition. I don't think people are going to go along with it. I think Alan Grayson will be the new Eliot Ness, I think he'll use Anthony Weiner as a battering ram knock doors down lead people the way to have to sign up for the kids don't matter. Because, you know, something Obamacare is Barack Obama's sort of akin to the Peace Corps with Jack Kennedy. The kids want to step up and do something, I find it an odd thing. It looks like it stinks so far to me. Carney's walking away from the podium every day trying to explain it like is he Jack Paar on the talk show in the early '60s, and they told them not to say "water closet" for god's sake. All I know is this: There has got to be a number that I can send in and they just ignore me. Leave me alone.

    (LAUGHTER)

    MILLER: Let me get off the country, because it's crap right now.

    O'REILLY: We have contacted the IRS to see what that number might be, Miller. So, we will have information for you. But I want to thank ...

    MILLER: Please -- do you not think the world is spinning, baby?

    O'REILLY: Oh, I think we are into, you know, as the temptations once sang a ball of confusion. But I do want to thank you, Miller, for mentioning Arnold Stang. For bringing Arnold back for those of us who remember the '50s, Arnold Stang was a major television presence, not as big as Eve Arden but close.

    MILLER: I am confused and broken right now. Let me have a couple of days off from all this crap.

    O'REILLY: We'll send someone out to soothe you, Miller.