Sex column: Want to spoil the mood? A few things not to say in the bedroom

Sexpert Trilce Ortiz lists a few things you should never say to your partner while making love.


Although having silent sex with your partner can damage the mood and steal excitement from sexual encounters, saying the wrong things while having sex can have as much of a negative effect. 

It’s common during the heat of the moment to get a bit carried away and not pay much attention to the words you're saying. Remember, however, that passion can make you say the wrong things. Take note of a few things you should never say during sex.

Mind the name

Plenty of people fantasize about someone different than their partner while having sex. This is completely normal and not a bad thing on its own. 

However, calling the person you’re having sex with by someone else’s name can kill the mood and even affect the relationship adversely. Keeping the fantasy to yourself is, in this particular situation, the best course of action.

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Talk like a grown-up

While there are some people whose sexual fetishes involve fantasies with minors, for the majority of us sex and sexual fantasies are limited to acts between consenting adults. Baby-talk during sex not only can kill the mood, it can also be a little disturbing.

Leave the baby talk for outside the bedroom.

Radical surprises

Not everyone likes surprises, and this is especially true when it comes to sexual interactions. 

Planning an unexpected romantic dinner for your significant other is a nice, romantic gesture. Welcoming them to bed with a surprise threesome is quite the opposite. 

Sexual exploration is something you should always discuss with your partner beforehand.

Nix the ex

Whatever worked in your last relationship sexually isn’t necessarily going to work in your current one. Each individual and each relationship is unique and should be treated as such. 

Bringing up your ex during such an intimate moment can create jealousy and discomfort.

Hold your horses

While screaming “I love you” at the top of your lungs while having sex with your long-term partner can be pretty stimulating and reassuring, doing so with a casual encounter or someone you recently started seeing will most likely make the situation uncomfortable. You might be loving the sex more than the person – in which case, you had better stick to the facts.

Wishing for the end

Sometimes you aren't in the mood for sex. Your partner might have thought you were – maybe you did too, but then you realized your mistake half way there. For whatever reason, while having sex people often realize it isn’t as great as they had thought. 

Regardless of why, asking your partner if they’re almost done can really hurt their self-esteem and make them uncomfortable about their sexual performance. It could even threaten your partner's feeling of connection with you.

Trilce Ortiz is a sexpert and love advisor. Follow her on twitter @trilceo.

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