One of the most common complaints among long-term couples is the drastic decrease in sexual activity. According to the site Everyday Health, exhaustion, medications, low self-esteem and unresolved issues are some of the most common reasons why couples have less sex, and even stop having any sexual activity all together.
Boredom, however, remains as the number one reason why couples say “no” to sex.
This doesn’t necessarily mean the two people involved have stopped loving each other, and luckily it is often a matter of spicing things up in the bedroom. These are five simple, yet effective tips to spice things up between the sheets and regain excitement in your sex life:
Make a bucket list
Whether they take the time to write them down or not, most people have at least a mental list of things they would like to do by a certain deadline. From having children to buying their dream mansion and everything in between, feeding into these goals helps people push harder to pursue their dreams.
Very much in that same line, creating a sex bucket list can help couples expand and fulfill their sexual desires. Depending on the level of sexual experience each person has and how comfortable they feel with trying out new things in the sexual field, the list can go from welcoming the use of sex toys in the bedroom to engaging in group sex. It is up to the couple to decide what they want to experiment with. The Stir has collected a list of 75 sex acts to try before you die, which can be very inspirational.
Create a secret sex code
Going on a double date with friends, having dinner with your in-laws or having the kids around should not prevent couples from being able to talk about sex. In many cases, having sex-related conversations in front of strangers can actually increase sexual desire.
There is no need to wait until the children are tucked into bed, or for them to have a sleep over for sex to happen. As much as possible, there should always be room for sex to stay a spontaneous, broad daylight type of activity. When sex becomes a scheduled chore, it inevitably starts declining.
Having a secret code for sex that only the couple understands makes it possible for them to express their sexual needs, out in the open without anyone noticing it. In order for it to work, the wording has to be chosen wisely, so it’s something that makes sense. For instance, unless you live in a farm, asking your partner if they’d help you harvest some oranges would sound completely out of place. Make it something that would be a part of every day conversation, like “going over the bills,” “having a grown up talk” or anything else that would fit in natural into any every day conversation.
Try out a sex retreat
One of the most effective ways of breaking the routine of a sex life that has become monotonous and repetitive is changing the scenery. One alternative is aiming to have sex in places other than the bedroom (think living room, pool, kitchen, etc.). Another great alternative is joining a sex retreat.
Much like any other kind of retreat, a sex one is targeted toward providing couples a comfortable, safe and amicable space for them to learn new tricks and enhance their connection, devoting a set amount of time away from every day worries to focus on their sex life.
Sex retreats are not to be confused with couples' swingers vacations, which unfortunately is what most people picture when they hear “retreat.” They are actually well structured vacations and getaways that offer things like workshops, sex and family therapists, tantric sex and meditation activities, among others, all targeted toward improving the couple’s overall sex experiences with each other.
Living Healthy provides a comprehensive list of sex retreats for anyone who is just starting to do their research.
Get off social media
Social networks have come to occupy a place of such great importance in the lives of people, often displacing the interactions that happen in the real world.
The search for approval and interaction in the virtual world leads to couples putting much more effort into their virtual persona and relationships, that into their real partner. According to an article posted in Digital Trends, in the United States people check their social media profiles an average of 17 times per day.
Limiting the use of social media, and cell phones for that matter, is a simple and effective way to restore the importance to relevant things like sex and relationships.
Take a break from your kids
The significant change that children pose on the relationships is no secret, although it might not become fully palpable for the vast majority of couples until it happens.
Maintaining or regaining the intimate spaces is of vital importance for couples to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Therefore, it is important to establish times when the couple can enjoy each other without the presence of children.
From hiring a babysitter for a couple of hours so the couple can have a romantic evening, to leaving the children to the care of the grandmother as the couple enjoys a weekend getaway, it is very important to seek space to enjoy each other without any interruptions or distractions.
Trilce Ortiz is a sexpert and love advisor. Follow her on twitter @trilceo.