Last updated : Thursday, April 23, 2009

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Have Friends, Will Travel

Everyone loves to travel, right? But let's face it, we all have to cut back, and while you may be able to find deep discounts on flights and hotels, it's hard to swing both. What if, say as pay back for all those long nights listening to your best friend practice her dissertation on molecular something-or-other, you ask for a little friendly payback?

Besides, the best way to really see a foreign land, or even a different city, is to do it with a local. If you tap into your vast social network you'd be amazed at the generosity of your friends, especially in these hard times.

We all have those friends who have moved across the globe for work (think Dubai or Hong Kong). How often have they invited you to come visit and you just brush it off as over friendliness? But what if it's not? Imagine how lost and distant they must feel from the comforts of home. And, if they're being subsidized by their company, they probably have more space than even the cheapest hotel you could find - with no one to share it with. I would place a good bet that their open invitations are sincere. Having a good friend come and visit can be as soothing as mom's chicken soup on a cold winter day.

I recently took up an invitation to visit a friend in Africa. That's right, Africa. Where you say? To The Gambia of course! Never heard of it? Neither had I, till my friend started working there and invited my best friend and me to take the trip for a visit. (In case your geography is a bit rusty: it's a small former British protectorate on the Atlantic coast of Western Africa.)

We were up for the adventure and hopped on a plane, after getting all of our vaccinations. A bad case of yellow fever can ruin even the best vacation. When we arrived, we were warmly greeted, and rushed off to our luxury villa, where our friend happened to be staying while he was working there. Because of the nature of our host's business, he knew all of the locals and took us around to the best places to eat, dance, shop and water ski. That's right. Water skiing on the Gambia river.

Our host's five-star treatment aside, we also got to spend a whole day on a tour of the inland to really get a sense of what the country was like. Alligators, wild monkeys, and local cultural traditions make for a fantastic learning experience (think that National Geographic article your 8th grade teacher made you read).

All in all, it was quite an experience. But not all friends may be living in the most exotic or happening destinations. Nor do they all live the high-style luxury life. Nevertheless, it's not always about the amenities, as nice as they are. It's about spending quality time with friends, right?

I realized this when I went to visit a girlfriend that had just moved back to Italy after living in New York for several years. In just under a year, she'd left New York, gotten married, and had a baby -- not exactly in that order. After a few lonesome Facebook posts, and an open invitation, I knew I had to go see my friend in need. So, off to Carpi I went.

Situated in Northeastern Italy, about halfway between Bologna and Modena, Carpi is your quintessential Italian small town. Complete with a church and central palazzo, it's magical. To my friend it's like prison (think moving from the big apple back to Bayonne).

Upon my arrival there was a teary welcome and excited chatter of what we've been doing in our lives. I spent the next four days in the guest room of my friend's apartment. In traditional Italian style, that happens to be the top floor of the building. Her parents live on the second floor, with her brother. (Yes, at 24, he still lives at home.) The picture wouldn't be complete without her grandmother, who lives on the first floor. Talk about all the family support you need! For all the difficulties she's facing, that's one thing that's she's not lacking. When your new baby bundle of joy cries till you just need a break, there's nothing like going down a measly flight of stairs and handing him off to the doting grandparents/great-grandmother for an hour long reprieve.

And of course there are the home cooked meals. Despite being an octogenarian, my friend's grandmother's sprightly fingers made about a hundred of the best tasting tortellini in brodo I've ever eaten. But it's not just eating the food, as amazing as it was. (Homemade risotto, succulent steak from the small meat store, perfectly aged cheese, vintage balsamic vinegar.) It's about the experience. Each meal lasted what seemed like hours, as we lingered over wine and really got a chance to spend some of the most quality time you could have with a friend.

When it came time to go, my friend was so thankful for the time I spent with her and her family. She said my visit really helped to lift her spirits - that is priceless.

Of course, when hitting up your friends for a place to stay, there are a few rules of good sense. For starters: Do unto others. Your mother always said it, and she was certainly on to something. You should always be courteous and respectful of another's home and treat it as you would your own. Unless your idea of cleaning is getting on Craigslist and finding a cleaning service. In that case, treat your friend's home as tidy as they do. After all, you want to be invited back for another adventure.

One good way to secure a second time around is to send your gracious host a small token of your appreciation. It doesn't have to be anything super extravagant, as it should really be something thoughtful. After returning from The Gambia, we decided to send our host a thank you gift. He may be living the life, but there are some comforts of home you just can't buy in The Gambia. Season one of Entourage and a mini-DVD player was the perfect taste of home he needed.

Another good rule of thumb is to be willing to return the favor when friends want to drop in and visit you. I happen to be lucky and have cool parents who have a little log cabin in the Catskills. They love getting a nice fire going and filling the house with friendly faces, especially mine. Skiing anyone?

Just offering to share your apartment can be a demonstration of warm generosity to your friends. Even if that means you'll have to sleep in the bathtub for a few days, while your friend sleeps comfortably on your couch/bed in your living/dining/bedroom. You just may want to warn them ahead of time if your digs aren't quite as spacious as theirs. Think of the next time you get to go visit them in London, Dubai, Paris, Miami ...

 

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