Single Ladies: Marry A Man This Year
How to tie the knot in 365 days or less.
Text Size 
Still single, even though you don't want to be alone? No perspective on what you should be doing to meet, attract and keep the man of your dreams? If you find yourself longing for a mate this year, with none in sight, the one thing you know is that you aren't doing SOMETHING right. There are plenty of good, single men out there, so what do you need to do to really find one?
Identify your relationship hurdles by asking yourself the following:
Are you already married to your parents, children, or job? If so, your life needs balancing because you are not currently available for the relationship you claim you want. You are the only person in the world who can fix this. Consider it a gift to yourself.
Do you make potential dates jump high hurdles to get a piece of your time? Consider the message you're sending. A healthy, eligible male doesn't want to get married to be ignored.
Do you put little effort into your appearance because you say you want men who are attracted to the real you? The ugly truth is that appearances matter. Most of my clients and students aren't seeking "gorgeous" but they do want someone who is presentable, tries to be attractive, and smells good, versus sloppy, slouchy, and less than squeaky clean.
Does your recovery from a relationship take more time than the relationship lasted? Your coping skills need an upgrade. You are spending more time out of a relationship than in one. You are being an analyzer/observer, not a participant in love. Unless you're a therapist and getting paid, this is not the best use of your time or energy.
Once you've identified some areas that need changing, start by following these tips:
Be prepared for rejection - it happens. Get really good at handling it. Move on and find the person who does want to be with you. When the abandonment waves have passed, you sometimes realize that being left was your lucky break.
Stand up straight. You'll appear more confident, and you'll feel more confident - which will make flirting much easier. I promise.
Be playful. You don't need to act like a child or be dopey, but this is the one game you should play when dating, Seeming fun is the fast road to seeming attractive.
Don't talk about your ex. Hearing about the ex is boring and also communicates that you're still carrying baggage. And your date will assume, quite correctly, that where you're going to dump that baggage is on him.
Don't expect everything to show up right away. Some great potential mates simply don't show warmth, sense of humor, or the best side of themselves until you've gone out - and then gone out again, and maybe again. This is especially true if they work in a "serious" profession where they carry a lot of responsibility. If it's really horrible, don't go out again. But if a date is pleasant or just OK? Give him another try and give yourself an opportunity.
Flirting is mandatory and it's a skill that absolutely anyone can learn. It is comprised of these basic rules of social interaction: smiling, and making eye contact. If you don't hold eye contact for at least four seconds he will interpret it as rejection not come hither. After you break eye contact, look back again and smile. If you look approachable and he is mobile and wants to meet you, he will.
You can be your own best coach, or worst enemy - it's up to you. Self-market based on your assets, not your faults. Let a date know the real you from the start. Just make sure to start with the most positive possible version of you.
READ: Want To Be Happy? Get Married And Have Kids
Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to "I Do", is a psychotherapist with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She taught at Emory University and has been in the New York Times, Glamour and on CNN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia.
Print |
|
