Published February 21, 2013
Love is in the air . . .but not every couple has a perfect setup when it comes to love in the bedroom.
So what do you do when you lose your mojo?
Dr. Manny Alvarez, senior managing health editor of FoxNews.com, recently sat down with Dr. Laura Berman, a sex and relationship therapist, to discuss ways couples can revamp their sex lives by turning up the heat in the bedroom.
“All relationships go through ebbs and flows,” Berman said. “In the beginning, it’s as easy as pie. You’re in what is called the infatuation stage. Actually, when they look at people’s brains when they are newly in love, and that person thinks about their beloved, the dopamine centers of the brain . . .is lighting up. It’s like an intense addiction. Sex takes no work; you can’t get enough of it.”
But, as Berman pointed out, after anywhere between three months and three years, the familiar stage sets in for the couple, which is a longer-lasting, sweeter kind of love. That’s when the novelty and excitement can start to fade.
So, how do you get that intensity back?
1. Commit to kissing.
“Women have to understand that if you want more romantic connections . . .you have to give him some sexual connection,” Berman said. “A great tip is if you just commit to twice a week, for 15 minutes, to kiss, to make out, cuddle – with zero chance of sex.”
2. Bring out the toys
Berman said early ejaculation affects 30 percent of men in the U.S. – but the average man takes 7.5 minutes to reach an orgasm. The average woman takes 20 minutes.
“So, there’s a big gap in between,” Berman said.
Berman said some sex aids, like creams and toys, can help out.
3. Help her unwind.
Women are always multitasking – it’s in their nature, Berman said. So, it can be hard for them to stop thinking about something else when having sex. For his part, a man can try to quiet his lover’s mind by giving her a sensual massage with massage oil.
4. Heighten your senses.
Berman suggested pulling out some scarves or ties – and then let your partner tie you up or blindfold you. This doesn’t have to represent a loss of control, but it simply heightens the other senses when you lose one.
“I think this is one of the reasons ‘(Fifty) Shades of Grey’ was so sexy to women,” Berman said.
5. Make date night a priority.
“It’s very important, and I think you should write this in stone,” Berman said. “And, I don’t mean going out with five other couples, or going to see a movie. I mean, going out and spending time talking and connecting – not about the logistics of your life. . . do something that is a little outside your comfort zone.”
Berman said this is one of the reasons vacation sex is so great – because it’s new and different.
6. Don’t feel guilty.
Berman said it’s a fact that having kids can quell your sex life. But, don’t feel guilty for locking the door and having time to yourselves, she added.
“The most valuable gift you can give your children, is a model of what a loving, intimate relationship looks like,” she said.
For more on this topic, visit drlauraberman.com.