Published January 15, 2013
Any relationship can benefit from a better sex life, so we spoke with sex therapist and TV personality Dr. Laura Berman about ways to do just that.
Berman told FoxNews.com that in order to have a better sex life, a couple needs physical and emotional intimacy, but it’s easy for kids and mortgages to get in the way.
“You have to recommit to the connection in your relationship, which needs as much work as your job does,” Berman said.
Many times, a relationship suffers from sexual discord, or uneven desire, and it’s usually for emotional, medical or relationship reasons.
Berman said if the reason is emotional, it can be due to stress or fatigue; if it’s medical, it may be due to hormones; and if it’s because of your relationship, that’s when you need to take a step back and look at what needs to be changed.
Men and women look at sex differently. For men, they just want a connection and to feel like they are doing a good job, Berman said. But for women, among many things, she absolutely needs a connection.
Men achieve the emotional connection through sex, but women aren’t as likely to want sex unless they feel emotionally connected first – so it’s about meeting in the middle. Sometimes men have to reach out more and women have to have more sex than they are inspired to have.
Here are some tips to recharge your sex life this year:
1. Share your fantasies. Write them down, and put them in a box. Once a month, act them out.
2. Kiss every day. Men: If you want your gal to have more desire, this will change your world, Berman said. Make a ‘date’ to literally make out – no sex involved – once a week.
3. Share your appreciation, even if it’s something your partner always does. For example, if he or she is giving the kids a bath, tell them thank you for doing it.
4. Practice gratitude. Berman said people spend so much time complaining about their relationships. Think of ways to express your gratitude, and be thankful for the life you have built with your partner. Look at the things that are working in your relationship, instead of the things that are not.
5. Schedule a date night. Schedule one night a week to be alone, without the kids or your friends. If money is an issue, tuck the kids in bed, and go out onto the front porch with a glass of wine, Berman suggested. She advised taking one or two trips per year, again without the kids, even if it's just for one night.
To learn more about Dr. Laura Berman’s sex tips, check out her website www.drlauraberman.com or watch her on the OWN network at 10 p.m. Tuesdays.