Sex is such a sensory experience. What we see, feel, smell, taste, and hear has an incredible effect on how much we enjoy the experience. Music is a great way to shape the experience you want to have and to keep things from getting stale. And the best part is, you and your partner and can choose the music together or as a surprise for one another. One night her pick, the next night his. You might be surprised what your partner opts for. But whatever the songs, here are some great ways to use them.
To Get You in the Mood
Let’s start with the obvious. Music is a great way to get you in the mood. Even if your day hasn’t been so great or you couldn’t be any more tired, the right music can push all the right buttons. Janet Jackson’s That’s the Way Love Goes or Michael Buble’s I’m Your Man are good picks for setting the tone. Or, how about Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get it On. It doesn’t matter which songs you choose, as long as they work for you and your partner.
To Set the Pace
The human brain is very responsive to music. Which means that what music you’re listening to can really affect what kind of sex you’re going to have. Only have time for a quickie? Choose a song that makes no mistake what you have in mind. Hoping for a long romantic interlude? Pick a series of songs that fit the theme from artists like Enigma or Sade. Or if you had something a little naughtier in mind, there is plenty of music that spells right out in the lyrics how you’re feeling. Think Usher or Justin Timberlake.
As a Secret Code
It can be fun – and exciting – to have certain songs that mean you are ready to play. Put them on during dinner or send them in an email clip during the day and you’ll have your partner counting down the hours. Plus, whenever you’re out in public and hear the song, you can enjoy a private smirk with your partner since you both know what you’re both thinking. Go old school and choose something like Marvin Gaye or make it something more contemporary like Marc Cohn’s True Companion.
To Block Out the Day
Let’s face it. Sometimes you need music to be an almost physical barrier to what’s going on in the rest of the world. You won’t hear the phone ring, the computer hum, or the kids’ Barney videos if you turn up the music just a smidge. There’s nothing wrong with shutting out the world once in a while. And a little volume will also assure that no one else around knows what you’re up to. What you play doesn’t really matter. Whether it’s Mariah Carey or Luther Vandross anything is better than the Looney Tunes theme.
To Direct the Action
You can also make music a more active partner when you play. Create a soundtrack of sorts and set up a few rules. For example, you only change positions or activities when a new song comes on. This can be a great way to tease your partner since you’re at the mercy of the music and it’s a great way to keep one partner from moving too fast from Act 1 to Act 2, if you know what I mean. If you really want music to guide the action, there are even a few sex toys out there that you can connect to your iPod and the beat of the music determines the vibration of the toy.
Everyone’s different, of course. So, it would stand to reason that everyone’s sex soundtrack would be different. Ask 10 people what the best music is to have sex to and I bet you’ll get at least 10 different answers. One man’s romantic is another man’s silly. And one woman’s hot it another woman’s cheesy. So go with your gut but keep in mind your partner’s taste, because music can definitely make it or break it when it comes to mood.
Just out of curiosity, I started asking around myself, and I got every possible answer from Bolero by Revel to I Want Your Sex by George Michael. Just as a way to jump-start your own sex song collection, here’s a sampling of the responses I received:
1. Dreamworld by Robin Thicke
2. When The World Ends by Dave Matthews.
3. Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover by Sophie B. Hawkins
4. Halo and Naughty Girl by Beyoncé
5. Woman Like A Man by Damien Rice
6. Possession by Sarah McLachlan
7. You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC
8. Just Say Yes and Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
9. The Woman in Me by Donna Summer
10. On the Couch by Prince
11. Avalon and Slave to Love by Brian Ferry
12. Summer, Highland Falls by Billy Joel
13. I Love You by BareNakedLadies
14. Shining Star by The Manhattans
15. Every Woman in the World by Air Supply
16. Mozart's Symphony No. 2
17. Zoo York by Paul Oakenfeld
18. Closer by Nine Inch Nails
19. When it's Love from Van Halen
20. Feelin' Love by Paula Cole
21. Little Freak by Usher
22. I Want To by Nazzereth
Jenny Block is a freelance writer based in Dallas. She is the author of "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage." Her work appears in "One Big Happy Family," edited by Rebecca Walker and "It’s a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters," edited by Andrea Buchanan. Visit her website at www.jennyonthepage.com or check out her blog at www.jennyonthepage.blogspot.com.