“I don’t love you anymore.” It’s one of the worst sentences a guy can hear — especially when it comes out of the blue in the midst of what you thought was a good relationship. You don’t have screaming, horrible fights. There’s no abuse of any kind. You thought things were moving along nicely and suddenly she hits you with the revelation that she’s fallen out of love. Why would this happen? Is there something you could have done to prevent it?
She falls out of love because she’s bored
One major reason why she falls out of love is boredom. When you’re in a long-term, committed relationship, it’s easy to start taking things for granted and slipping into a routine that is comfortable, but not that exciting. Especially if you live together, your daily interactions have probably taken on quite a bit of predictability. You wake up together, go off to work, maybe talk or text a couple times throughout the day and then meet back at home for supper and spend the rest of the night watching TV together. This repetition can be reassuring. It’s nice to know that you’ll always be able to come home to each other. On the other hand, it can get tedious after a while and make your girl wish for the exhilarating early days of your relationship.
To combat boredom in your relationship, throw in a little spontaneity every once in a while. When she comes home expecting to make supper and sit in front of the TV, tell her you’ve made reservations and you’re going out. Surprise her with a trip out of town on the weekend. Most importantly, initiate sex at unexpected times to keep her on her toes.
She falls out of love because you neglected her
You may think that you’re doing enough to make your girlfriend feel appreciated and loved, but unfortunately she may be feeling differently. Somehow as girls are growing up, they pick up the incredibly annoying habit of pouting instead of talking when something is bothering them. You should just know that she’s not getting what she wants without her having to tell you. Yes, it’s infantile and unproductive, but she puts up with plenty of your unappealing idiosyncrasies too. Do what you think is enough to keep her happy — and then do some more.
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She falls out of love because she met someone else
Sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what makes a girl fall out of love with her boyfriend, but in the case of The Other Man the reason is clear. Most of the time, a woman who is happy in her relationship won’t go out looking for another guy, but love happens in the most unexpected of places. Maybe it’s an affair with a coworker or a reunion with an old flame. It is never an easy thing to deal with when your partner falls for someone else and the chance of a solution that doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings is virtually nonexistent.
If she’s truly over you and on to the new guy, you may have to suck it up and let her go. If, however, you feel like there’s still enough between you and your girlfriend to try to work on things, you have to either ban the other guy from your lives or work on some kind of open relationship arrangement.
She falls out of love because you grew apart
We all change as time goes by. Sometimes the person you got together with becomes someone you don’t recognize after a few years. It’s possible that the reason she’s falling out of love is simply that her needs, priorities and goals are different than they were when you started dating. Or perhaps you’re the one who’s changed. Have you lost motivation and become complacent? Have you developed some anger issues? Negative personality traits like these, which grow over time, can serve to alter your girlfriend’s feelings for you.
If you’re the one who needs to shape up, ask her what she sees as the problem and talk it out with her. You might be able to work on things yourself to get your drive back or deal with your temper. In extreme cases, you should consider talking to a therapist who can help you process these feelings.
If she’s the one that’s changed and doesn’t feel like you fit with her anymore, you may have to watch her walk away. Just remember that you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anyway.
WHAT GOES UP...
Occasionally, relationships just end for no particular reason. The love just isn’t there anymore. This can be frustrating and confusing, since there’s no obvious cause for the two of you drifting apart. You may not be fighting constantly, but if one or both of you are not happy, you’ve got to put in the effort to fix things — or walk away.