Goop magazine is more of the same Goop you've come to expect

With the inaugural issue of Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow and crew have found yet another way to get wellness addicts to shell out money for things they don’t need — in this case $14.99 for a 96-page glossy quarterly.

Perhaps it’s appropriate that the first cover would feature a nearly naked Paltrow, covered in, you guessed it, gray goop — styled, no doubt, by a Sandro Botticelli fan.

But let’s be clear, this isn’t just any muddy goop. We are later led to believe that it is a special “French clay hailed for its detoxifying powers.”

Remember, nothing can be simple in Goop-land — this is the lifestyle brand that touted a $15,000 gold-plated vibrator on its website last year, after all.

So why would Paltrow, accomplished as she is, want to expand her website of inane ideas into the print world?

Well, the 45-year-old actress said she got the idea when she was 14 and an extended hospital stay left her little alternative but to thumb through stacks of Seventeen, Mademoiselle and Vogue.

What, was there no TV in the room?

The issue includes a story, “Frenemies with Benefits,” that may have high intentions in pitch meetings, but it ends up delving no deeper than slumber party chatter.

Beyond that, we get the usual mix of recipes and questionable health advice for which Goop is famous.

Bee-venom therapy can treat rheumatoid arthritis and soften scar tissue, we are told. Paltrow used it to treat her c-section scar but doesn’t offer compelling evidence that her therapy worked.

“Did it help? I think it did,” she says.

Goop dutifully points out that bee-venom therapy’s effectiveness has not been proven and that doctors warn that it can cause anaphylactic shock and strokes in patients who are allergic to bee venom.

For the less invasive practice, Paltrow turns to “earthing,” the increasingly popular practice of having more direct contact with the earth. Put simply, walking barefoot in grass. Paltrow swears it’s “healing.”

Paltrow also warns readers of things to stay away from. Like perfumes.

“‘Fragrance’ can represent any number of undisclosed ingredients, making that word on the label a Trojan horse for chemical compounds like phthalates, which, in some studies, have been shown to be harmful to humans,” the mag cautions.

With the magazine costing $14.99 and plenty of trees, it is harmful to both your wallet — and the planet.

This article originally appeared on the New York Post.