The Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte is only the beginning of the onslaught of pumpkin products that fall brings. And yes, we get it: you want to be festive. You want to wash your hair with pumpkin pie shampoo and then frolic in a pumpkin patch while eating pumpkin pie.

No.

There are rules for using pumpkins. Rules that ensure you don’t get tossed into a vat of white chocolate pumpkin latte mix (by us). Here are the pumpkin products we endorse and despise, as well as a few cooking (and carving) tips that will get you through Pumpkin Season 2K13.