The first "Bachelorette" Trista Sutter has penned a new book called “Happily Ever After: The Life Changing Power of a Grateful Heart.” The reality star who is happily married to firefighter Ryan Sutter, with whom she has two children, spoke to FOX411 about the book’s theme and what she thinks of "The Bachelor" now.
FOX411: Do you think “The Bachelor” has gotten a little coarser?
Sutter: A little bit. I do feel like it was inherently more innocent because none of us knew what we were doing back then. There weren’t key words that were used. It wasn’t, ‘for the right reasons,’ and it wasn’t ‘the most dramatic rose ceremony.’ Yes of course there was innocence to it because it was novel. I think it’s still the same show, yes people have figured out that people are able to stick around sometimes if they want to. Ali Fedotowsky is now a correspondent on E! Yes if there are people out there looking for that fame they might think, ‘Well I’m going to go on this show because I want to promote my business’ or ‘I want to be an actress’ so yes that takes away from some of the innocence but I’ll always believe in the bottom line of the show that it truly is about people meeting and figuring out whether or not they have the compatibility that will work for a lasting relationship.
FOX411: How did this book come about?
Trista Sutter: I really wanted to write a children's book. I've had a dream to write a children's book ever since I was little and since I became a mom I rekindled that dream. I ended up getting connected with a literary agent and told her my idea and she recommended that I start with a book more geared towards adults. So I took her advice and because I’m not a writer by trade I wanted to be authentic to who I am.
FOX411: How has gratitude grounded you?
Sutter: It helps keep me grounded in the really high times, like when we got married on television. From what I hear, there were 26 million people watching, and obviously it was a very big production and nothing I could have ever imagined. I feel like if you truly have a grateful heart it keeps you grounded and during the times I don’t want to get out of bed because I’m really sad going through something difficult, looking to the positive and really trying to be grateful for the little things is really important to lift me up out of those dark times.
FOX411: What have been your dark times?
Sutter: I talk about in the book how we struggled with infertility for almost two years. I always wanted to be a mom, it was always my dream and although I wanted to be a career person for a very long time, overplaying that at all times was to become a mother. When you get married you believe, ‘Ok the next natural thing is to have babies.’ When that doesn’t happen you start to question your relationship, you start to question yourself, even God. It’s a very difficult thing to not be able to do anything about making a dream of yours come true and questioning whether something is wrong with you. So that was definitely a dark time in my life.
I talk about the dark times in my mom’s life. She was date raped and she ended up getting pregnant and giving the baby up for adoption because she was raised in a very strict Catholic home and didn’t even tell her parents about it. And forty years later she got a phone call and we have since met, Cathy is her name and she is part of our family now as we’ve always wanted her to be.
FOX411: How do you maintain gratitude for a spouse?
Sutter: Giving yourselves space is a big one. We just went through marriage boot camp on WE TV last season. When they first called us we thought, ‘No, why would we do that? We’d been married for almost ten years and actually really happy, at one of our happiest points and we thought, ‘Why would we want to do that?’ After talking to the producers we realized everyone can get better, everyone can strengthen their relationship, you just have to put the work in just like you do your job or your hobbies or kids or friends and so we went for it and we learned a lot. And I think one of the biggest things we learned is a lot about communication. Communicating when you’re questioning things or having a bad day, just talking to each other about your thoughts and feelings.
FOX411: Ever think it’s weird that you met your husband on a reality dating show?
Sutter: Oh yeah completely! It’s completely weird. And people lately have been asking a lot because the children are getting older whether or not we’ve told them how we met. We haven’t yet because they just wouldn’t get it. Of course we’ll tell them. It’s nothing we want to hide or even can hide if we wanted to. All they have to do is Google. I’m excited to tell them. It’s fun we actually have the moment we got engaged on film. We have our entire wedding on television. And that’s really special.