Brooke Shields: I'm jealous of my independent daughters

(Dutton Adult)

In “There Was a Little Girl The Real Story of My Mother and Me,” Brooke Shields recounts her life as a child star and dysfunctional relationship with her mother Teri who was an alcoholic. It is not a “Mommie Dearest” slam of her mother who served as her manager, but rather a nuanced and deeply personal look into living with an addict. Shields, 49, and the mother of two girls with writer Chris Henchy spoke to FOX411 about it all.

FOX411: This book came about under unusual circumstances.
Brooke Shields: I read something that was written about my mother in The New York Times. I felt it was unjust to me and that it was my turn to be able to tell my stories after decades of people giving an opinion which is their prerogative but I thought it was my turn to give my opinion so that was the impetus for writing it. And then when I realized certain things that happen in my daughters communication and I realized that I see myself either mirroring or resenting them for not being more like me. All of these emotions came up in little examples and I thought there’s something in this archetypal relationship that I would love to at least record from my perspective.

FOX411: You appeared topless in "Pretty Baby" when you were 11. Would you allow your daughters to do that?
Shields: No, I wouldn’t but the flip side is I’m terrified by what’s put out there now. The access we have, the manipulation of images and everything gets decimated. That was in 1977 with a first time French director whose work we followed. It’s a far cry from a sex tape. I by no means justify choices except for the fact that our reaction in that era I believe would be very different now and mine is for my children. My children aren’t models or actresses. We have a two parent household. It’s already a long way from the way I grew up.

FOX411: You write that you’re kind of resentful and at the same time proud that your daughters are so independent.
Shields: I was jealous of them to be quite honest. I didn’t even know I craved it but I think a lot of insecurities over the course of years would have been softened had I been as forthright as these young women are. I think part of me was envious too. I hope I had something to do with it. Who knows? Maybe it’s just their characters. I can see how that independence can threaten a parent. I could see how much better it feels when they look up to you as the queen of the world.

FOX411: You write that your mother’s alcoholism clouded your entire life.
Shields: I think anybody who lives with an alcoholic or anyone who has any kind of addiction it colors as young people because we base our existence around that. The piece I struggled with the most was the alcoholism not being famous. Everything in a weird way took a back seat which is if anything unique.

FOX411: There’s a pretty outrageous story about your mom calling your future mother-in-law the "c word." It’s so outrageous that it’s hilarious.
Shields: It is a good story but a lot of my mom’s stories are like that. It’s sort of even funny for me. I’m pretty dark and I have that sense of humor. I don’t even know if my mother-in-law even knew except for she’s reading it right now and I’m not even sure she’ll mention it. That story was not meant to embarrass my mother-in-law as much as it was to say, ‘Can you believe this happened?’

FOX411: What do you think the lasting legacy has been of your mom’s alcoholism?
Shields: It’s how I’m affected by my daughters. When I’m in a position to really be a mother it unnerves me because I don’t have an exact model from which to build a safe feeling for children. I never doubted that I was loved, that piece is easy to repeat. I got her sense of humor, her willingness to be silly, but my mother and I were much more two partners attacking the world and my children are much more clearly my children and that is fraught for me. Every day I have to think. What kind of mother do I want to be and they challenge me so much more than I ever challenged my mother therefore I’m making this stuff up as I go along and sometimes it works and sometimes it blows up in my face.