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‘Duck Dynasty’ recap: Customer returns faulty duck call

With all of their crazy shenanigans and numerous spin-off businesses, it’s easy to forget what made the Robertson family fortune to begin with: Duck calls.

While there’s no denying the “Duck” guys make some of the best calls in the business, not all of their customers are satisfied. In a “Before the Dynasty” flashback scene from 2009 in last night’s episode, the Robertsons revealed they receive at least one return per week.

“As much as I love building duck calls and working at Duck Commander, there are a couple of drawbacks,” admitted Jase. “The obvious [one being] having Willie as my boss and the second? Customer complaints.”

Jase inspected one of the returned duck calls but found nothing to be wrong. He opened the customer’s letter and read, “To whom it may concern, bought duck call, sounds good, it ‘wables.’”

After consulting the dictionary and failing to find “wable” inside, Jase realized the customer meant that the call wobbles when rolled across a flat surface. Calling it one of the more ridiculous returns they’ve received, he informed the customer that if the call “doesn’t wobble, it wouldn’t work.”

With one more customer served, the episode flashed back to the present-day Robertsons who were dealing with a beaver problem. Phil showed up at the warehouse with a smelly plastic bag full of beaver dung.

“Why did you bring the dung to the office?” asked Willie

“So I can teach you about how to track a beaver,” said Phil.

“You could have just called.” But that wasn’t going to cut it for Phil.

“The problem with these boys, you can’t just tell them, you have to give them a visual cue,” Phil explained. “In law it’s called ‘habeas corpus,’ as in show me the body. With beavers, its ‘habeas dungus,’show me the dung.”

With Uncle Si’s homemade “jumbo jelly,” which is just napalm, they set out to destroy the beaver dams.

“Beavers eat entire trees,” complained Phil. “Whatcha gonna do if you own a bunch of land and you say, 'I don’t want this to all turn into a bunch of dead snags?’

“I’ve talked with them to try and get them to understand it, but they won’t work with me. Therefore, you follow their dung and put a bullet in their head.”

After rubbing Si’s napalm all over the “palace” of beaver homes they came across, Jase came up with the idea to shoot a lit arrow at it.

“Four words. Flaming arrow ignite dynamite,” said Jase after suggesting they just “Rambo it.” “I’ve been waiting for this day a long time…What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

“We can all die,” said Jep.

They went ahead with the plan and ended up blowing the beaver dam to pieces.

“I feel like I’m ready for the 'Hunger Games' now,” said Jase. “Mission accomplished.”

Willie was having a much less exciting day at his daughter Bella’s karate class. He opted to live out his childhood dream of learning karate instead of joining the beaver extermination mission. While the beaver excursion was successful, Willie’s karate endeavor was not.

“I’m all for Willie pursuing his passions, I’m just not sure karate is the right passion for Willie,” said his wife Korie. “I mean karate’s all about discipline and Willie’s not really the most nimble, in shape, no retreat, no surrender kind of guy. But I’m really proud of him for trying.”

“To be honest, I took it a little slow because I didn’t want to steal [Bella’s] thunder,” Willie said in hopes of saving face.

“Getting older can be a funny thing. When you’re young, all you want to do is grow up,” Willie said over the family’s dinner after karate class. “But when you get older, you miss being young. What I’ve learned is just because you’re getting older, doesn’t mean you have to grow up.

“You want to blow up a beaver dam? Go for it. You want to take karate with your 10-year-old daughter? Do it. Because life is about finding the balance between being a responsible adult and staying young at heart.”

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