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Adam Carolla: I'm not a racist, kids are babied, politicians pander

"President Me: The America That's In My Head," is a hilarious, politically incorrect tome from comedian Adam Carolla. In it he shares his vision of a better America and what his platform would be if he was running for President. The 49-year-old father of twins spoke to FOX411 about politics, kids these days, and why he's not a racist.

FOX411: You've been accused of being a racist. Are you one?

Carolla: No! I've always said to people, 'Can you be an arsonist if you've never started a fire?' But you can be a racist without ever doing a harmful thing to another person of a different race? For me its kind of a tongue in cheek thing. They've called me homophobic even though you can't work in Hollywood and be homophobic. You can be a rancher in Montana and be homophobic. The last movie I made was 'The Hammer' and the director is gay. I hired him. If I'm homophobic why am I hiring a gay director? Same with racism. I grew up in the Valley. I played football for 10 years for Christ's sake and everyone goes, 'You think just because you have black friends and just because you've never done anything to hurt a black person that still doesn't make you a racist.'

FOX411: Are you a registered voter?

Carolla: I am. I'm an Independent.

FOX411: Do you think both sides are idiots?

Carolla: For the most part. They're both in the game of trying to figure out what the idiots want and are trying to give it to them, which is not what they should be doing. It's like a school teacher with 30 kids in the class. 'Who wants to study the constitution?' Everyone says boo and then the next teacher says, 'Who wants to go outside and eat peanut butter cups?' Everyone goes yeah! Who's going to win the election? Not the one who says buckle down and do your homework. 

And by the way when they're running they say, 'Hey you don't want to elect the guy who makes you sit inside and read all day.' That's kind of what this thing is turning into which is scary. Also we end up taking issues and talking about them and we never get to the real stuff. California is I don't know, 49th in education or something insane like that but all we do is talk about secondhand smoke. The biggest problem I see is ignoring the big problem and focusing on the stuff that distracts us.

FOX411: What's an issue that's been bugging you?

Carolla: In my circle all the kids get corrective helmets for their skull. I said, 'I know this is bullshit.' When you grew up did you know a human being who had a corrective skull helmet? Even 10 years ago? How come every third kid I know needs one, including my son. How did this happen? It's my word against a cranial specialist saying my son needs a corrective skull helmet or his sunglasses may not sit right on his head. Literally. 

I said, 'How can it be that everyone needs one now and they didn't need one twelve years ago?' We didn't change physiologically or is this just more hysteria and ripping people off. So we got the stupid helmet. Cost $4,000, put it on my kid for ten minutes, he started squealing like a stuck pig, took the helmet off. He's going to turn 8 in two months and he's beautiful. Never worn the helmet a f**king day in his life. It's just hysteria, it's bulls**t. 

It's very trendy to want to have your kid have every advantage. I don't want my kid to have every advantage. I want him to have grit, I want him to work hard. I want him to be tough. I don't care about the best of everything all the time. 

FOX411: It seems now everyone's kid is gifted.

Carolla: I have come to grips with the fact that my kids may not be extraordinary people. They'll be good people, they'll have a good moral compass. They'll be happy I hope and they'll be good citizens. Do they have to be exceptional? No they do not have to be exceptional.

FOX411: Tell us what you would do with old space shuttles.

Carolla: I'd take the space shuttle to the Mexican border do a few victory laps and then take it to the outer space museum. I would go, 'Look what you can do when you focus on education and math and put an end to the corrupt government and the drug lords and the heads in the duffel bags.You focus on this. This is what you get,' and then I would explain, 'This space shuttle - we're done with it, it's outdated, it's old news. We're just going to put it up on blocks right now.'

FOX411: What's your message to children?

Carolla: We keep explaining the playing field isn't even and the deck is stacked. That's such a horrible message. The message is if you have a motor you'll be fine. If you don't have a motor there's nothing you can do. If the playing field isn't level then you're going to have an even bigger motor.

FOX411: You have a problem with the word "minorities."

Carolla: I talked to my publisher about this and I would write black or hispanic and she would say, 'Just say minority.' Now we're at a place where Chinese and Eastern Indian and Korean people are kicking the s**t out of white people so would you say minorities aren't doing well in schools because I can name ten minorities that are doing better than whitey, is so it's not really accurate to say minorities aren't doing well. Here's the insanity - we've decided the minorities that are doing well like Asians are no longer minorities.

FOX411: What's the difference between Jews and Italians?

Carolla: Italians are like good looking dumb Jews, but I'm Italian so I'm allowed to say that. Most Italians, there are a couple like the Leonardo Da Vincis that make up for the rest of us.

FOX411: You don't like the way people dress on planes. 

Carolla: I've seen people travel with a tank top, sweat pants and no pocket. You're going to Denver without a pocket? How insanely casual can you be? Can you imagine going through an airport and going to another city without having a pocket? It's weird. When I leave the house wearing a shirt without a pocket I feel like, 'Geez where am I going to put my cell phone?'

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