Published September 12, 2013
The crew at Duck Commander on A&E’s “Duck Dynasty” should probably stick to making duck calls and keep away from the basketball court.
At a makeshift court in the company warehouse, Uncle Si failed to make a single basket, despite using a trick shot called “the crane.” Employee Martin, meanwhile, was bonked by a basketball in a sensitive area and had to take a few minutes to recover. And despite having a new pair of shoes that looked like a cross between vintage Air Jordans and a pair of pogo sticks, Jep could not manage to sink a single shot.
“These shoes are for training, not for actual dunking in,” Jep explained after his humiliating display.
But the boys had bigger problems than their basketball skills: They discovered that the warehouse was infested with termites.
Wasting no time, the Robertsons called an exterminator, who promptly covered the entire Duck Commander warehouse with an enormous red and yellow striped tent.
“All of this for some little termites?” asked Jase.
“I ain’t takin’ no chances,” explained Willie. “Anything living or crawling in there, I want to kill. Kill ‘em all.”
Since the boys were unable to work in the warehouse while the exterminator fogged the building, Willie sent the crew off to Godwin’s house to work.
Not wanting to miss an opportunity to show off her “successful, good-looking, charming” son, Miss Kay instructs Willie to take the afternoon off so that he speak at her social club, the Golden ‘60s.
“When you’re the CEO, people look up to you,” Willie explained. “They want to know the secrets to you your success.”
Dressed in a sharp white jacket, Willie arrived at the social club where he met his mother and half a dozen senior ladies. “A little sparse crowd here,” he told Miss Kay nervously. “Am I early?”
The older women were clearly charmed by the hirsute businessman. “Hi, Willie,” several cooed.
“He has dimples under his beard,” boasted Miss Kay.
“He shouldn’t hide them,” winked one senior.
Looking very uncomfortable, Willie asked Miss Kay if he should begin speaking to the group. Instead, he is ordered to “go get the lunch.”
“Go get the what?” asked Willie, confused. “I’m not going to get the lunch. I’m speaking.”
Willie and Carla, the dimple-loving senior, are formally introduced by Miss Kay.
“You know, WIllie has a tough time making friends at work,” Miss Kay explained with a wry smile. “Luckily for Willie, I’m a really good matchmaker. I know Willie and Carla are going to be best buddies.”
Willie hopped into the car with Carla to pick up lunch, and the senior was eager to share her stories about cats, a childhood case of polio, and multiple bouts with pneumonia.
“The only thing that I can think of that’s worse than taking a trip through West Monroe with Carla is taking a trip down memory lane with Carla,” groused Willie. “Carla’s memory lane is more like a memory circle: It just keeps going around and around and around and around...”
Meanwhile, the Duck Commander crew were busy eating popsicles at Godwin’s house-- and occasionally assembling duck calls.
“Let me tell you about my crew,” explained Jase. “We will work anywhere, anytime. But we are at our best when we have snacks and air conditioning, and no Willie.”
After finishing their popsicles, Uncle Si unwraps a package with Godwin’s “inheritance” from his Uncle Ruben, a stuffed jackalope, which is allegedly “part rabbit and part deer.”
“Godwin, I’m telling you that’s worth some money,” Uncle Si said of the dead creature.
“Let’s go find us a taxidermist,” declared Jase.
With that, the boys head out to McGough’s Taxidermy get the furry figure appraised.
The dead animal emporium failed to impress Jase. “Who gets excited about a building filled with stuffed animals?” he asked rhetorically. “I certainly don’t. Animals should be eaten, not stuffed. The only animal I stuff is a turkey on Thanksgiving, sometimes Christmas.”
Sadly, Godwin’s jackalope was appraised at only $50.
Eventually, Godwin decided to keep his animal as-is and name him “Benjamin Bunny.”
At the Robertson family dinner, Willie is philosophical. “It’s easy to get caught up in the fast-paced lifestyle of a CEO. The problem is you can’t always live on the go, especially if Carla is driving. Whether it’s an obnoxious amount of casseroles or an unusual inheritance, it’s better to appreciate what you have than worry about what you don’t.”