Published September 05, 2013
There’s a reason why it’s called “brotherly love.” Most people–including the brothers on A&E’s “Duck Dynasty”–allow their siblings to make impositions that regular ol’ folk would never dare.
Case in point: Jase Robertson and his wife Missy are renovating their kitchen, so their own home is temporarily uninhabitable.
“I got no electricity, I got no water, I got no food,” complained Jase.
Willie’s wife Korie graciously offered her hospitality to Jase and his family–which didn’t leave Willie particularly thrilled.
“Hey, y’all remember that time I said I was excited to have Jase over,” Willie asked rhetorically. “Yeah. Me, neither.”
After a long day at work, Willie comes home to find his kids and niece building a fort in his living room.
“That’s not a fort–that’s a teepee,” Willie groused to Missy. “A fort is like a square structure. I used to build them. There’s a big difference in a fort and a teepee.”
Despite Willie’s initial bad mood, he tried to remain optimistic about spending some quality time with brother.
“I know I tend to complain a lot about Jase, but the kids seem to be enjoying each other,” Willie reasoned. “It’s one weekend with him. How bad can it be?”
Things got off to a rocky start. Willie discovered Jase sitting in his favorite chair, watching the end of a game that Willie had recorded to watch later. To make matters worse, Willie sat down on a mysteriously damp cushion.
“So far, I’ve been living with Jase and his kids for a total of five minutes and already the house looks like crap,” Willie complained. “The game is ruined and my butt is wet.”
The weekend went downhill from there.
At 4 o’clock in the morning, Willie was awoken by Jase, who was in the kitchen, noisily frying a piece of Willie’s prized waygu steak, which cost him $100.
“That was mine,” lamented Willie.
“It’s a steak,” Jase said casually. “I’ll get you another one.”
“It won’t be waygu.”
Jase looked confused. “I don’t even know what that is,” he said.
“Exactly,” Willie sighed.
Jase rationalized his before-dawn meal by explaining, “When you grow up with three brothers, if you don’t eat early–you don’t eat.
Eating was definitely on Jase’s weekend agenda. The next day, he was cleaning a cooler filled with slimy fish in Willie’s gourmet kitchen. Willie returned from the supermarket to discover his brother with a sharp knife in one hand and a bloody fish in the other.
“What are you doing,” Willie asked Jase. “The whole house stinks.”
Willie looked past the mess of fish guts to his sink. “What is that? What’s in the sink? It looks like a beaver, but I know it’s not a beaver,” Willie said, knowing the truth.
“It’s a beaver,” confirmed Jase. “That’s what’s stinkin’”
“Are we going to eat the beaver?” Jase’s daughter Mia asked innocently.
The bloody, dead beaver sitting in the sink wasn’t the worst of it. Korie, not particularly happy to come home to find that her kitchen had been turned into a rodent butchery, almost lost her patience when her daughter, Sadie, discovered a crawfish scurrying across the floor.
“How did the crawfish get in the house,” Korie asked Jase cooly.
“Look, I got some crawfish in the tub–I’m purgin’ ‘em,” Jase explained.
“Where’s the tub,” asked Willie.
It turned out that Jase was purging about 100 lbs. of crawfish in Willie and Korie’s jacuzzi tub in their master bathroom.
“I’m sick of this, I’m sick of beaver, I’m sick of all of it–he is gone,” Willie vowed.
Meanwhile, Uncle Si had been busy making “gentlemen’s bets” of one dollar with everyone at the Duck Commander warehouse. Si lost in every wager imaginable, including a wooden woodpecker chase, pitching baseballs at a pyramid of red Solo cups, hitting baseballs at the local batting cage and an aborted attempt at Indian leg wrestling.
To make up for his loses, Si had a plan. His brother Phil needed to remove a fishing boat that had been stuck in a tree since Hurricane Gustav in 2008.
“This is the bet I have been waiting for,” said Si. “It’s not Indian leg wrestling, but hey–it’s a sure thing.”
Using some self-professed “redneck” ingenuity, Si managed to get the boat out of the tree with some help from the Duck Commander crew–and win $1 from Phil.
“It was the best dollar I ever spent,” declared Phil.
Back at Willie and Korie’s house, Jase redeemed himself by preparing a crawfish feast for the entire Robertson clan.
“No matter what happens, there’s nothing better than spending time with your family,” Willie reflected. “Except being able to go home afterwards–to your OWN home.”