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Demi Lovato: 'I was suicidal' at age 7

Demi Lovato just turned 20, but she's already been around a few bad blocks in Hollywood. From cutting to cocaine abuse, the child star has had to overcome quite a few personal obstacles to be in the position to release her new self-titled album, "Demi Lovato." 

The singer/actress opened up in thew new Cosmopolitan magazine about feeling suicidal before the age of seven, being bullied as a teen, and why party-hearty stars are the true weaklings.

On her past struggles with bulimia and cutting: “I’m not super religious, but I grew up Christian and I believe in God. When I’m in L.A., I don’t talk about it that much because people are very judgmental, but I just feel like God gave me a voice, not just to sing with. He put me through those things, which seemed horrible at the time, but they were so worth it. With the obstacles I’ve overcome, I can help people.”

On her first gig at age 7 on "Barney & Friends" and singing the theme song:  “At the time, I was just so grateful to be on TV, but I was also really struggling. Looking back, there was a connection, probably between any kid who’s ever sang that song to Barney, a little place in a child’s heart, a void, that could be filled. And maybe Barney fills it. Even before Barney, I was suicidal. I was 7. With Barney, I guess subliminally, I did have a relationship with this figure that was saving my life in a way… I’ve talked about being bullied and the years of being a teenager, but I went through things when I was younger that I’ve never talked about that probably caused me to turn out the way I ended up turning out.”

On the lyrics from her song “Warrior” when she sings, “There’s a part of me I can’t get back/ A little girl grew up too fast/ All it took was once, I’ll never be the same/ Now I’m taking back my life today”:  “My family knows what it’s about. When I’m ready to open up that subject with the outside world, then I’ll be free to talk about it. But right now, it’s kind of one of those things where the lyrics speak for me. It’s all in the song.”

On the kind of star she wants to be: “When I look at someone who’s out there partying excessively or rappers rapping about doing drugs, who people look up to, and think, Oh that’s a G; that’s a gangster. I think, You’re actually being a giant pussy. Sorry, but those rockers in the ‘80s were the furthest thing from rock stars. They were so insecure and so lonely that they had to do these things to get them through the day. If you’re spending your entire early 20s chasing the next party, what are you running away from? That’s not a badass. What’s a badass is when you can sit through your problems and feel emotions when you don’t want to have them. There have been nights where I’ve had to sit on my hands, because I want to act out, because I physically can’t sit still in the pain I’m dealing with, from looking back and being bullied or other things that happened. And now, as hard as it may be, I will do that. That’s what makes me a badass. Being a badass is handling your s**t.”

On her upcoming 21st birthday: “I look at birthdays as celebrating another year of life. You’ve made it another year. An entire year. Some people don’t make it to 21.”

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