Published October 28, 2011
The Lohan clan cemented themselves at the top of the pantheon of screwed up Hollywood families this week.
First there is Lindsay Lohan, once a Hollywood A-lister, who now, between stints of community service cleaning toilets at the county morgue, is posing nude for Playboy, because there's little else anyone will pay her to do.
Then there is dad Michael Lohan, who was arrested twice in 24 hours this week on charges related to an ex girlfriend, a former tabloid reporter. After the first arrest, he complained of chest pains and was taken to a hospital, where he reportedly tried to escape.
The second time cops came to pay him a visit, he jumped off a third story balcony into a tree.
Little sister Ali, just 17 years old, is trying to position herself as a fashion model, which has meant getting shockingly thin. She debuted her first fashion magazine cover this month, looking unrecognizable She was also there holding big sister Lindsay’s hand as she took off her clothes for Hugh Hefner.
And finally, there is mom Dina, who was revealed this week to be shopping a tell-all book about life in the Lohan circus, essentially making money from the very public train wreck her family has become.
“In the world of familial celebrity dysfunction, the Lohans right now are really performing at a level above everyone else, like Michael Jordan in his prime, only in a negative sense,” CelebBuzz.com editor Mike Hess tells Fox411.com. “Michael Lohan seems to do little else aside from gain publicity off of his daughter’s woes and get himself into legal trouble. And while it seems that Dina’s heart is sometimes in the right place, you really have to wonder. The saddest part of it all is beginning to think what’s going to come next.... At this pace, it’s not going to end well.”
While the Lohans are special group indeed, they are not the only screwed up family in Hollywood. Not by a long shot. Let's take a look.
Tatum O’Neal, who won an Oscar as a youngster, and her father Ryan were so estranged for so long that her dad tried to hit on her at his girlfriend Farrah Fawcett’s funeral.
Let that sink in.
Tatum claims her father left her to largely fend for herself as a child, which led her to become a heroin addict. She at least kicked the habit, and tried to reconcile with her dad on a reality show on Oprah’s OWN network. Her brothers Redmond and Griffin are also still recovering from their screwed up childhoods. Griffin was arrested two months ago for a head-on crash that left another driver seriously injured. He was found with crack-cocaine and firearms in the vehicle. Redmond was arrested on charges of heroin possession in August.
“I can't think of anyone worse than the O'Neal family, specifically Ryan, who has four kids with three women, and has been accused of emotional abuse by all of them,” says "Cult of Celebrity" author Cooper Lawrence. “He has to be the worst parent on the face of this earth.”
The family of professional wrestler Hulk Hogan seemed to be doing pretty okay until they were thrust into the reality television spotlight.
“Their severe dysfunctions really became apparent and totally, totally snowballed when Linda Hogan filed for divorce after 25 years of marriage. And how did Hulk reportedly hear about it at first? From a local newspaper,” says David Caplan, an editor at celebrity magazine Us Weekly. “The divorce filing came just a few weeks after their son Nick was in a drag racing accident -- drag racing alone is stupid -- that nearly killed his friend, and left Nick himself badly injured. And, he was in jail for it, when his mom filed for divorce!”
Adding to the dysfunctional narrative, both Hulk and Linda began parading around with much younger new arm candy. Linda’s arm candy was 30 years her junior, and had attended high school with her children.
When “Jon and Kate Plus 8” first aired on Discovery Health in 2007, they seemed like an ordinary family with an extraordinary number of children. Then things went to heck in a hand basket.
During and after their messy divorce, Jon dated several women quite publicly while trying to market himself as a D-list celebrity. Kate tried to extend her fifteen minutes of fame by appearing on "Dancing With the Stars," even though it was quite apparent dancing was not her strong suit. The kids also developed behavioral problems and had to be taken from school. “If it wasn't for their TLC reality show they probably wouldn't have divorced. The family filmed every single moment of their lives and eventually Kate choose TV over her family,” explains HollywoodLife.com reporter Chloe Melas. “To think the children don't realize that their mother is bashing their father every chance she gets on morning talk shows is grossly naive.”
“Michael ended up becoming a child stuck in a man's body. The fame had everything to do with it," Melas said. "Fame can do crazy things to the mind and some parents will do anything they can to sustain it, even if it means it's at the expense of their own family."
Michael Jackson's chilling drugged out conversations, which his doctor, who is on trial for killing him, recorded, attest to the singer's awful state at the end of his life.