'Jersey Shore' Recap: 'The Situation' on a Stretcher After Body-Slam Brawl

This week the guys de-evolve right before our eyes. And they were only marginally recognizable as human before tonight's episode. 

Meanwhile, the guys gang up on Deena, and Mike's words come back to haunt him as The Situation ends up in a stretcher after a fight with Ronnie.

But first, last week's Twinning Saga continues as Vinny describes how Twin Erica bed-hopped between him and Deena all night to an awe-struck Ronnie, who knows life with stick-in-the-mud Sammi will be twinning-free. Of course, that doesn't stop him from retelling the tale to Sammi and Snooki, complete with sound effects.

And for some reason Vinny is upset that he had to share Erica with Deena ("It's called tag-team, not tag-rob. It wasn't a good tag team."). But didn't Deena bring her home in the first place?
Meanwhile, Mike insists to the guys that he's not lying about hooking up with Snooki. And it must be true! Because he has a whole back story to go with it: His friend was hooking up with her friend, and Snooki walked in and was so incredibly turned on that she immediately . . . did things to Mike.

Unmentionable things.

The ladies chat at lunch about how gross Mike is and how boys talk, particularly when their female roommates go to bed with other females. Oh, how they'll talk! But Deena says all she and Erica did was make out, regardless of what the guys are saying. "Vinny got your sloppy seconds," Snooki points out.

Point taken.

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When the girls return from lunch and Silly Hat shopping, the men engage in some typically witty badinage while preparing Sunday dinner. "At least the carpets are extra clean today," Vinny says, as Deena walks by. It's like Oscar Wilde come back to life! "Come on, lez be honest," Pauly retorts, and Ronnie is overcome by the hilarity. To her credit, Deena doesn't put up with it: "Until you know something for a fact, don't talk ****. That's all. And you know what? It was a good ****ing time." 

And she walks out, leaving the men to stir the sauce and pick nits off each other.

Since Mike has decided to make a big drama, Snooki knows she's got to tell Jionni what's up, which in her version includes the part about Mike's friend hooking up with her friend, but ends with Snooki turning Mike down. Jionni is cool about it all, until Snooki tells him she wants to have babies. "Are you out of your mind?" 

This Jionni guy seems all right.

Sunday dinner is "crazy awkward" in Pauly's words. First up: "Bi-curious" Deena versus all the guys, who know they've got a weak prey cornered. And, big shock, Mike has a stupid opinion to contribute: "I don't think there's anything wrong with girls kissing each other, but I do think it's wrong what happened last night." Vinny warns her not to try that again, because the next girl he's having sex with, he might actually like. Later, it's clear the guys' obnoxious behavior is getting to Deena. She tells Snooki and Jenni she feels like she's losing herself.

Pauly, inspired by the success of last week's prank when they brought girls over to have sex with Mike, crafts another gem: he gets Vinny to help him put Deena's bed in the living room. It's so funny that Deena is crying and having an anxiety attack because suddenly the people she's known for a year and a half are basically shutting her out. Jenni tries to broker peace, which goes really well. Oh, except for the part where Pauly becomes bizarrely aggressive and self-defensive, screaming at Deena: "You were never this emotional before!" and "You ****ing changed!" 

Well, that should calm her right down.

And then, the most depressing part: they've completely broken Deena, who tearfully tells him he's right; she doesn't feel like herself. "That isn't me. I feel very, like, alone here, and I'm, like, just drinking, and then I do stupid **** like I did last night and instead of fixing it, I just keep drinking." Pauly then demands that she apologize to Vinny. Suddenly Mike is starting to seem like a real winner.

The gang starts their new job at the pizzeria, which seems to mainly involve paying customers to bring them wine and passing out fliers.

Later, they all go to a club, and you'll never believe this, but Ronnie and Sammi have a fight! No, it's true! Ronnie says he was dancing "like, three feet above some fat chick" and Sammi started shooting him dirty looks, leading to a drunken mess of a conversation. Ronnie eventually tells her it's not going to work out because she doesn't trust him. How come only one of them can be sane at the same time? That's the real reason it's not going to work out.

Back home, Ronnie wants nothing to do with her, no talking, no making up, no nothing. Sammi is nothing if not a masterful deflector, and she casually mentions that Mike told her Ronnie bragged about how he was going to bring home five girls a couple of weeks prior. That does the trick: Ronnie rips off his shirt and says he's going to "get real ****ing gully" on Mike. 

"Gully?" Do they have their own language now?

He finds Mike sleeping on the couch and tips it over, demanding an explanation. Mike claims he has no idea what Ronnie is talking about, so Ronnie shoves Sammi in his face to repeat it. He still says he doesn't remember saying it. Of course, Mike did say it, because Ronnie did say it. But now Mike is flipping out, too. 

"I don't get involved in your relationship! I'm ****ing sick of this! Are you ****ing serious?!" Mike screams, while literally frothing at the mouth and taunting Ronnie to come hit him, as the roommates try to intervene.

And because MTV wants to milk this as much as possible, we get only the briefest tease of Ronnie body-slamming Mike down, Mike on a stretcher, an ambulance, lots of crying and Sammi somehow making it all about her.

--Christine Lusey, PopNews Wire