REVIEW: 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon' a Noisy, Headache Inducing, Fun Summer Blockbuster

(Paramount)

“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” transforms the junkyard of scrap metal from the first two films into a glossy high-octane bullet train. But be sure to turn your brain off and take some aspirin before entering the theater, because for over two and a half hours, you will be thrust into the noisiest battle between man and machine you have ever heard.

The latest installment based on the Hasbro toys is the most enjoyable of the three films, although the plot is as hopelessly convoluted as its predecessors. Actually, try not to even think about the plot. There is very little consistency in the screenplay by Ehren Kruger. The movie feels as if each scene was written via the game Telephone, with a different writer for the last with each scene, with little regard to continuity or explanation.

Let’s just say the Decepticons are up to no good again and our world is in peril, and leave it at that.

Everything about “Dark of the Moon” is eye candy, from the cars, the stunning special effects, the impressive use of military equipment and strategy to the gorgeous, but talentless, love interest, played by Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

Like the other “Transformers” films, “DOM” is a giant, noisy machine built for product placement and lingerie ads. Unlike the other films, it is able to hold your attention from beginning to end.

The humans play more like scurrying ants to the giant robots, but the wealth of talent director Michael Bay hired for his supporting cast is excellent. Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, Patrick Dempsey, John Turturro, Alan Tudyk and the voice of Leonard Nimoy are a welcome reprieve from the soulless Autobots and Decepticons.

There’s even a cameo by Fox News' own Bill O’Reilly.

But the real stars are the Transformers. An hour-long final battle between the Autobots and Decepticons is an impressive special effects extravaganza unparalleled in today’s SFX race.

Michael Bay has made a lot of hay over “Dark of the Moon” being shown properly in 3D, even writing theater owners begging them to use the proper (high) watt bulbs. Not sure why. Some portions of the film work in 3D, but the majority doesn’t.

Skip the 3D if you want to save some coin.

“Transformers: DOM” is all about big, crass superficial instant gratification. As far as big, dumb and fun summer blockbusters go, “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” is exhausting, but certainly enjoyable.

3 Out of 5 Stars