We can think of so many things we'd rather do than spend another two hours with obnoxious Bentley. So Ashley, maybe you don't realize it yet, but you're really better off without him.
Monday night's "Bachelorette" reminded us ladies of the very worst parts of being single: Obnoxious jerks who say things like "You have small boobs, but you're a—makes up for it"; clowns who are willing to insult you in public just to get a laugh; and pigs who say things like, "I'm not necessarily smitten, but she's the type of girl I would hook up with now and then."
And yes, even the masked man turned out to be a total creep.
But nobody got quite to the level of jerkitude as conniving, two-faced Bentley – except for maybe William, who is the worst kind of guy: The kind who SEEMS really nice, then lets you down.
Ashley started the week with a relatively scandal-free date with sweet but dorky lawyer Ben C. They participate in one of her favorite activities -- a choreographed dance routine -- and Ben reveals that he wants to live in an "unrealistic bubble" with Ashley. Wait -- isn't that what they're already doing?
Meanwhile, evil Bentley is plotting to break Ashley's heart. "This is fun and games for me," he confesses to viewers at home.
Finally, the moment we've all been waiting for (sort of) -- the Phantom of the Mansion finally takes off his mask. As we suspected, Jeff looks almost exactly the same with his mask off, but seems even weirder somehow.
Next, on to a comedy club, where the guys are asked to "roast" Ashley. Let's face it: Most women do not enjoy being "roasted," especially when they're being courted. So it seems completely obvious to us that the guys who want to make a good impression on Ashley will take it VERY easy on her.
Not so. Formerly masked man Jeff takes a dig at Ashley's small chest, to which Ben F. had the best reaction: "Oh man, you've had 15 minutes to talk to this girl, [and you say], 'Here's my face: you have small boobs.'"
Some of the other guys follow suit (we don't know about you, but we don't tolerate anyone making fun of our boobs until at least the fifth date), but William manages to go even lower.
William, who had a very solid first date with Ashley last week, aspires to be a stand-up comedian -- so he's willing to "make Ashley cry" for the sake of his career. He actually refers to Ashley as "used." (Note to guys everywhere: The only thing worse than insulting a woman's chest, or any of her body parts for that matter? Referring to her as "used.")
But it gets worse.
"They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I thought I signed up to be with Emily or Chantal," William says.
Turns out, Ashley's biggest insecurity was that the guys would be disappointed that she's the Bachelorette, rather than Emily.
And who rushes in to comfort her? Bentley, of course, even though he "hates when people cry -- it's not attractive at all."
"Your body, your face is beautiful, you're the best dancer in the world, but you do have small boobs," he coos.
Ah, the sweet poetry of romance. But Ashley is still convinced that Bentley is "what she's looking for."
Meanwhile, Ryan P. gets a rose, mainly for being nice. But Bentley has decided to pack it in. He tells the guys (and Ashley) that he can't be away from his daughter anymore, but admits to the camera that he "played everyone." He didn't find Ashley the least bit attractive, and knew he'd never fall in love with her.
Bentley seems slightly sheepish about having to make Ashley cry, but he's more worried that his "hair looks OK." Ashley admits that she saw Bentley being there at the end, and her "heart is like totally broken."
At his point, we know what you're thinking: She's only known this guy for a couple of weeks, probably less in "Bachelorette" land. And she doesn't even know yet how he's humiliated her on national television. Nevertheless, Ashley takes to her bed for some hardcore post-breakup crying and self-pity, rousing herself only to have a half-hearted pajama date with J.P.
Two big questions remain at the rose ceremony: Will she give unfunny William a second chance? And now that she's seen his face, is Ashley still into the masked man? Much to our horror, Ashley does decide to forgive William. But the masked man gets the boot, along with Chris D. The takeaway: Tasteless jokes can be forgiven, but a masked man is just too weird to bring home to mom and dad.
--Jennifer D'Angelo Friedman, PopNews Wire