Guess the reality shows have snapped everyone up, because it seems like there's no talent left in L.A.
Thursday night's "American Idol" Los Angeles auditions episode found very few candidates for America's next superstar — but did turn up one possibly psychotic woman who followed Randy out of the studio.
But first, we met 21-year-old Victoria Garrett. Every year, there's at least one contestant who believes that God has chosen him or her to be the next "Idol" winner — and this year, she was that person.
"God brought the ‘American Idol' auditions to L.A. for a reason, and I believe I am that reason," she said.
Sure, anything's possible.
But once she started singing about the Lamb of God, Steven Tyler couldn't resist a few puns.
"Not baaaad," he said. "You have a sweet and angelic voice like a little lamby."
After getting three nos, the little lamb took out her frustrations on J-Lo behind the judge's back.
"Jennifer Lopez can't really sing much herself," she hissed.
But she was so good in "Selena" . . .
On the contrary, Tim Halperin, 23, had a huge childhood crush on J-Lo. He serenaded her with Maroon 5's "She Will Be Loved," but Lopez said he lacked BLEEP. Wait a second — did J-Lo say the b-word? Looks like Tyler's not the only one playing with the FCC.
But no one was worse than Tynisha Roches, 25, who performed a Frank Sinatra tribute that somehow turned into "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going." And she was definitely telling us she wasn't going. When Randy got up and left the room, she ran after him singing, "You're gonna love me!" Randy (and our ears) were relieved when security came to the rescue.
Then just when we were thinking that Tyler was being uncharacteristically well-behaved (other than puffing on cigars in the limo), he started enjoying beautiful belly dancer Heidi Khzam, 23, just a little too much. That said, we can't really call out Tyler for "inappropriate" behavior — Randy was the one shouting, "Yes, yes, yes!" Between the two of them, Heidi was definitely Hollywood-bound.
Matt "Big Stats" Frankel wasn't quite as sexy. Claiming to be a "freelance" music producer for millions (correction: a bunch) of artists, Matt tried rapping "Jenny From the Block" — then belittled Randy for not being related to Michael or Samuel L. Jackson. (Tyler's best retort of the night: When Randy lamented all of the "delusional people," Tyler responded, "It is L.A.")
Cooper Robinson, who "thinks" he's 59, was trying to be this year's "Pants on The Ground" guy, but he was no General Larry Platt. From a plantation "somewhere deep in Arkansas," Robinson sang and moonwalked to "I Feel Good," but looked like he might pass out the whole time. At least he's better-looking than a giraffe (or so he claimed).
We did like New Yorker Karen Rodriguez, 21, who sang an old Whitney Houston song, and brothers Mark and Aaron Gutierrez were a hit with the judges. But by and large, this "American Idol" L.A. story didn't really have a happy ending.