Just because Johnny Depp is having an extended bad-hair day, do we need to encourage him by paying for tickets to his movies?
In the case of “The Tourist,” the answer is a resounding ‘no.’ Depp walks through this dreadfully flat would-be thriller with a stunned expression on his face. It’s not unlike what your face will look like if you actually plunk down cash to see this year-end dud.
The movie should have been much better. For starters, it was directed (and cowritten) by an Oscar-winner: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, who directed “The Lives of Others.”
Not exactly a household name, but still.
And then there’s Oscar-winner and paparazzi-target Angelina Jolie, looking stunning as always. Unfortunately, she generates more excitement standing still on a red carpet than she does in this entire film.
Jolie plays Elise, lover of a missing money launderer who’s being sought by Scotland Yard, Interpol and British gangsters for making off with a huge pile of money. So they all trail her, in hopes that she’ll lead them to her lover.
Oh, and they don’t know what the lover looks like because he reportedly has had identity-changing plastic surgery.
She, in turn, tries to throw them off the track by picking up a harmless American tourist, Frank (that would be Depp), who’s the same height and approximate body shape as her missing man. Which leads the cops and crooks to believe that Frank is the guy they’re seeking.
It could be an Alfred Hitchcock-like comedy-thriller of mistaken identity, with Frank running for his life – but it’s not. The writing is deadly, the action is stale – and then there’s Depp’s hair.
“The Tourist” is a bum trip.
* 1 Star (Out of 5)