After observing the behavior of the Alpha female in shopping mode during the holiday season, we've compiled a definitive (probably) guide to the core commandments of consumerism and come up with the New Year's shopping resolutions that every woman needs.
Read, reflect, and repent at your leisure. The savvy shopping starts here.
1. 'I shall not covet my neighbor's bargains.'
So what if the girl who sits next to you at work got her Kurt Geiger boots on a bigger discount than you did? Is it the end of the world? Does it excuse the dirty looks you plan to give her for the next week? No, my friend, it does not. In the bastardized words of Baz Luhrmann, we must accept certain, inalienable truths: other people will sometimes get better stuff than us. And no, it's not fair.
2. 'I will honor my debit and credit cards.'
They have a limit, and it's there for a reason. A twice weekly pounding in Reiss doth not a happy bank manager make, so save up for the big things and they'll feel so much more special. Besides, disposable fashion is sooo 2009.
3. 'Retail therapy is not the same as actual therapy.'
There are those who say that a new dress will only bring you happiness in the short term. These people are liars. Or people who wear really ugly dresses. But we all know that when we're feeling really rotten, even shopping can't solve all of our problems. Most of them, granted, but not all. It is then that we need to turn to our friends, DVD box sets or extreme sports (depending on your disposition) and Fondant Fancies. Remember this and you'll always be pretty much all right.
4. 'I only have two hands.'
Darwin had a point. We evolved from apes so that our hands did not drag along the ground unattractively. Undoing thousands of years of evolution by loading ourselves up with so many bags that we begin to get retail RSI and end up with shoppers shoulder stoop isn't the ideal way to start the year. You may feel like you have the strength of Boudicca at the start of your retail experience but there is only so much that one woman can carry. If shopping becomes so intense that you need physio to recover, it's time to rethink your Saturday afternoons.