Backstreet Boy Nick Carter felt weak.
In an exclusive interview about his drug and alcohol problems, Carter, 29, details what had happened to his heart from years of abusing booze and drugs.
After he experienced chest discomfort and fatigue on tour in Europe last year, Carter had his heart tested by a cardiologist.
Then, the night before his results were due back, Carter "went out and just went nuts," he tells People. "I drank so much and I did a bunch of blow. I felt like I was trying to kill myself – because I didn't want to get the results."
The diagnosis? Cardiomyopathy, a weakening of the heart that led to the death of singer Andy Gibb, 30, and actor Chris Penn, 40.
"I don't want to die," Carter tells People. "I don't want to be that person people read about and think, 'That's sad that he couldn't stop it and killed himself.'"